im sorry i truly do not have the higher brain function to leave a thoughtful meta comment rn but i will just react to all the parts that make me thinky as i read....

“Akaya is too much like me,” Yukimura says. “It’s why I could make him understand, back then at the World Cup. But if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have needed to.”


“I think he would have liked to hear it from you anyway,” Shiraishi says.


“Do you think so?” Yukimura sets the secateurs down, scrubs a wristband over his forehead. “Ahh, Yanagi is always better at knowing what to say. So are you.”


Shiraishi flashes him a rueful smile. “Once it took me more than a year to say something important to someone I cared about, so I don’t know if I actually have you beat there."

HELP GIRL I CAPSIZED. HELP GIRL I DRIFTED OUT TO SEA. HELP GIRL I DIED.
first of all the ynak fo today but i will expand on that later THE SURPRISE KURAKEN MENTION I ATE OKURRRRRRRRRRRNTTTTT TT_________TT im so sorry for shitening on this rikkai 201 fic but forreal shiraishi coming off so levelheaded and capable as a captain that even YUKI is admitting a weakness to an outsider here (thank you 201 complex free zone) but in actuality its a reflection of being unable to communicate whats most important to the people you care about the most....for shiraishi as is for yuki....


“I always used to think surely there were things that didn't need to be said to be understood. You and Fuji showed me differently. I only wish that I could have—for the people I care about—" hunh ok i am truly typing this as i read so i was not expecting that to be literally the next part ewnwebn

“When I came back from the hospital everything was out of order,” Yukimura says, sweeping a hand over the rows of flowers. “I’m sure my team tried, but—we are the tennis club, after all, and not the gardening club. It took a long time to get it back to how it was before.”
GENUINELY IF YOU COULD SEE THE EXPRESSION ON MY FXXXXXKING FACE RN....:PAINED SMILE: :PAINED SMILE: :PAINED SMILE: :PAINED SMILE: RIKKAI CONSTANTLY TRYING TO DO ANYTHING THEY CAN TO MAKE YUKI HAPPY BUT IN THE END THEY ARE ONLY HUMANS SERVING THE CHILD OF GOD AND THEY CONTINUE TO FAIL AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN....they failed to win for him at kanto where they were most confident so how could they have been expected to succeed at gardening after all they are the tennis club not the gardening club but they tried they tried so hard and that should count for something but...

Those first few days after his return. The ugly fury he could barely choke down, such a small thing like a garden but even this, it turned out, he could not entrust to another. He’d doubled the regulars’ training menu, tripled his own, brushed off Yanagi’s apprehensive Seiichi… and obliterated him six games to love on the centre court. And it still hadn’t been enough. He has seen, by now, the end of himself reflected with pristine clarity in three sets of irises scintillating with fearless joy, that insurmountable, terrifying height he already knew that first time with Echizen that he would never be able to scale.

SORRY FOR QUOTING THE ENTIRE THING BUT UMMMMM *IS BURNED ALIVE ON THE CROSS* WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK 8FACES THE TERROR* *FACES THE TERROR* *FACES THE TERROR* FUCK OF LIFE....they try so hard for him and its not their fault and it shouldnt be their fault but it is because ultimately they all betrayed him not just once but in every possible way.......I CANNOT EXPERIENCE THE EXTENT TO WHICH YOU ARE LITERALLY MAKING ME RELIVE THE ENTIRETY OF RIKKAI KANTO ---> NATS TERROR IN LIKE 3 PARAGRAPHS YOU ARE SO SICK YOU ARE TWISTED YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLY FUCKED UP...

But it always comes back to him. Slowly and bitterly, but unfailingly. What Sanada had given him years and years ago, that surety, that faith. Did he love so lightly, to concede defeat so soon? All those trembling sweating hours in the rehabilitation centre, pain so total it could have cleaved him in half, slicing the weakness, the dead growth out of himself inch by inch, so he could stand on the court again. So he could stand on this rooftop, here with Shiraishi. Sun over their hands, wind in their hair. What an inheritance. What a weight of love. legitimately why is every word of this kind of spun gold....wizard of darkness and evil and light and power...i literally had to get up and do a few laps around my house to walk it off just now 😟 umm i dont even know what to say other than once again you are literally making me relive nats rn....none of what they did was enough but what rikkai has is strong and steady and constant, built on devotion which is a type of love isnt it....the years that sanada and then yanagi and then rikkai have given to yuki may have failed this time but it wont run out so easily and even if nothing can be exactly as it was again they can still try again because rikkai are still with him and even when they all leave theyll still be with him...

i honestly dont even know what to say or really what to make of the second half of this i dont think i have a huged enough mind but....yuki rehab imagery kills me so dead i died i really fucking dieddddd honestly you are sooooooo(*******&&&* for making this a 二学期 fic in the first place it really feels like yuki's saying goodbye to rikkai and walking out the other side with 201 which is kind of almost undeniably much better and healthier for him but its tragic all the same....nothing will ever be like it was in middle school ever again.......

THE YUKIAKA..............CAT THAT ATE LEMON DOT JPG
first of all i seriously cannot emphasize enough how much yuki rhab imagery is seriously putting me through so much anguish fuckkkkkkk having to actually think about what yuki mustve been going through at nationals fresh out of grueling fast track physical therapy...and the numbed parallel between kiri's physical pain (for rikkai) and yuki's (for rikkai, but also for himself because HE is rikkai) but anyway > starting to think that yukiaka might be my favorite mentorship actually T_T...i love DISTANCE yuki being the most impersonal with kiri out of troika but also being the one who first saw something in him, the one who supported him from the start and the distance being almost necessary because theyre just too similar but yuki has arguably done the most for him despite it....hes given him the greatest gift he could, a way forward...

I have opened the gates for you. Now all you have to do is step through. i know it doesnt really have to be said but the sanakiri mentorship parallels re: british i TT i really just TT....


He does not fear the possibility of being overtaken, but he almost wishes he did. He is waiting, as ever, for Kirihara to surprise him.
WHEN YOU TWEETED THIS YESTERDAY I THOUGHT U WERE LITERALLY QUOTING LIKE L GLUCK POETRY OR SMTG.........NOW MY MIND IS OPEN........YOUR GOD?

im ok. its ok