i'm so picky picky picky

[rhodochrosite]

really feeling inspired by niz's haterism so here is a list of things in fic that i dislike the most. i do hate pretty much everything that isn't the 5 things i like and even if it's something i like i can easily hate the execution so if you enjoy something in this post then i respect it but i am politely averting my eyes. yes i've written a bunch of these but that is because i love to self-oppress and test my abilities. i also hate many other things but these are the main sources:

story tropes

• infidelity - i think this is my truest and longest abiding landmine i seriously cannot stand cheating at all it's personally unforgiveable to me in a way that i can't be like It's Just Fiction about
• pregnancy - extremely body horror to me and not in a fun way the concept just freaks me out so bad
• soulmates - boring. i can almost never suspend my disbelief for whatever the main conflict is supposed to be in these also some of the premises are so silly... like ? getting the same song stuck in your head or being born with a matching necklace or whatever. also i just don't like the idea of only having some predestined single perfect match
• reincarnation and 25 lives - boring
• teacher/student - i love mentorships but i absolutely draw the line here. maybe it's because i work as a tutor lol 
• gay people fic - like fic about the experience of being gay. i extremely do not enjoy sexuality and gender introspection in fic, it's not the kind of internal or external conflict i'm interested in exploring at all
  • i also just hate reading about homophobia in fics generally, i'm literally guy who puts Dislikes: homophobia, sexism, racism on their carrd lmfao
• fake dating for a mundane reason - unless the canon has a jokes kind of tone where i could buy it plausibly happening, the only fake dating allowed is spies going undercover as dating/married for a case. i just can't suspend my disbelief for any other premise. like why are you fake dating for a bet where are the stakes
• pair the spares - it pisses me off when an entire cast is paired off because odds are that people are just being thrown together to pair the spares and the characterisation is going to be completely wrong. i'm rarepairfucker9000 and it personally offends me when people don't put the requisite thought and effort into fleshing out the dynamics... if you pair the spares do it RIGHT
• soft uwu femslash - like it's almost worse than no femslash because it's so SUBSTANCELESS and most likely horribly out of character. i don't want to read bland eat your veggies girls holding hands shipfic i want proper tension and fuckedupness and depiction of the dynamic specific to the girls in question, not fic that reads like you've just f/r'd any random two girls into a tumblr imagine
• omegaverse (kind of) - i used to hate omegaverse but i had to stockholm myself into tolerating it as a survival mechanism ever since i got into kpop... i like the forced unrepression/desperation aspect of heats because it reminds me of sex pollen which is the superior trope, i hate the mpreg and gender stuff and biological essentialism and like umm everything else. and i hate even more when these parts are "deconstructed" or criticised or something in-story i could not care less about intricate a/b/o worldbuilding like at least be honest and get to the fucking, which i can at least respect. non-traditional a/b/o dynamics are literally worse than regular a/b/o
• when i can tell op doesn't care about women - because i CAN tell. i can tell if you're only pairing off the female characters to get them out of the way for the main slash ship!! i can tell if you're twisting them into evil ex girlfriend or protective mother tropes!! i can tell if you're just straight up ignoring they exist!! and i hate you!!
• anything that sets off my sense of secondhand embarrassment - i'm very sensitive about this i can't read anything that's like relentlessly dunking on a character or making them undergo public humiliation or ruining their reputation
• incorrect use of honorifics - yes i have mental and sometimes literal spreadsheets of canonical honorific use and unless there is a compelling reason in-story for that usage to change then i will not forgive mistakes!! dropping honorifics during sex is not a compelling reason, the honorifics should always stay ON in bed. similarly, noncanonical nicknames also annoy me especially in east asian fandoms like non-english languages have different conventions around how to abbreviate names and i hate so much when english writers ignore that and just go with how they think the nickname might be formed in english
• americanisation and general lack of cultural specificity - why are these east asian characters who do not live in america going to prom / making weirdly specific jokes about american states / exclusively referencing hallmarks of american pop culture?? how hard is it to do a bit of research for cultural accuracy??? this also extends to narration and the choice of figurative language... like seriously is a japanese character who grew up in japan going to reach for the greek mythology metaphors first as a matter of fact? this really pisses me off because it's like... the assumption that of course everyone in the world makes the same intertextual references and associations. at least JUSTIFY the connection in-story rather than taking it as a given. also in general i've kinda hit saturation point for greek myth imagery and metaphors about icarus and all, because most of the time they are just really bad and boring metaphors

porn tropes
i'm even more hateristic when it comes to porn because i don't like anything even more intensely than i don't like anything in non-explicit fic

• wrong person tops - #1 LANDMINE i wish curses and evil and malignant energy upon everyone who makes the wrong person in my ship top die die die i wish you a very die it literally is that serious to me. i'll exit a fic at the 80k mark if the fucking occurs in the wrong direction i don't care. i hate everyone who ships the opposite order to me and i hate that they are out there having their opinion on the internet where i can see it. and i will have strong top/bottom opinions about anything for free i don't even have to know the canon but i will freely die on these hills. i think it is okay to be insane about top/bottom preferences. righteous, even... so long as i agree.
• switching/versatility - NO REVERSE!!!!! i am extremely fixed preferences fucker 左右固定 i cannot change this. even if it is a ship that i grudgingly concede might switch that is all happening offscreen to me i don't want to actually see it
  • to be clear switch/verse is the same thing to me because i only like to see dom tops and sub bottoms. i hate power bottoming and sub topping as well
  • i honestly used to be a normal person about switching and t/b preferences and then everything changed when i got into kpop This is all nct's fault
• kink negotiation - boring as hell and not sexy. reading safeword and traffic light discussions makes me wish i were dead. also do people realise that plain vanilla sex doesn't need a traffic light system set up beforehand it's literally vanilla sex... and i don't like formal bdsm anyway but even for kink just have all that offscreen or implied. i think maybe everyone should just be telepathic about limits and whatever
• enthusiastic consent - also boring as hell i skip anything with this tag because the porn will probably be 90% like checking for traffic light colour... and anyway repression and tsundereism >>>>>
• medical kink - freaks me out. really unsexy to me
• feminisation, gender play - does nothing for me, i don't like to see it. crossdressing is fine, i don't like it but i don't hate it either
• daddy kink - why is it everywhere? and UNTAGGED??? fathers are not sexy to me. we need to un-normalise daddy kink so people will start tagging for it again so i can avoid it
• pegging - let girls bottom
• food play - it seems so unsanitary and i don't get the appeal... same with anything involving bodily functions

i could keep going but i would be here forever because i really do hate so much and it's way easier to fumble the execution in pornfic so i'm even less forgiving also a lot of stuff actually like scares me to think about rather than just haterising me so i try to banish it from my memory lmao...