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rhodochrosite
"AHHH DISGUSTING! UNBELIEVABLE! BANHISU SHIPPERS SHOULD DIE! DIE! DIE!!!!"
腐女子除霊師オサム is a cute and funny parody oneshot manga that briefly went viral on jtwitter a while ago about a couple of fujoshi exorcists who must battle the vengeful spirit of a fujoshi seeking to slaughter everyone who ships her otp in the opposite order to her. and unironically that is me. i am the fujoshis coming back from the dead as the manifestation of pure evil fuelled by my hatred for people who ship my ships in the wrong order. anyway this is an extremely ill-adjusted post about my very strict top/bottom preferences, i am sorry to my switch rights activist friends who i respect but that will never be me:
it isn't that deep, but it IS that serious
so like i said in my haterism post i have really strong feelings about top/bottom positioning. my preferences may be based on pretty arbitrary criteria which i will outline in the next section but i will die on these hills and that is a promise. to reiterate and clarify my positions:
- i don't care for dom bottoms and sub tops so to me topping≡domming and bottoming≡subbing
- i hate switching
- i may objectively think that someone has a certain scale ranking but subjectively want them to exclusively top or bottom. actually i'm constantly coming to the conclusion that people are the opposite of what i want them to be which can pose some problems... like sometimes people are 0.8s but they might as well be 0s to me in terms of who i ship them with and i derive no joy from making tops bottom or vice versa as stable society champion so all this does is make me super miserable
- every day i shed tears over yukimura 0.7 sanada 0.4 but it's snyk TO ME and also sanadaright landmines me
- right order wrong characterisation >>>> wrong order right characterisation. i'm usually characterisation above all but not for this.... i just get jealous and mad that the other side has people who are correctly interpreting the text in everything except order, somehow. like why would you have good takes that i cannot look at... what a waste of good takes
i also feel like as soon as a particular order starts becoming super prevalent because it's like the obvious order there's always a reactionary push to subvert it out of spite. i understand being driven by spite because that's also my primary motivating force, but the thing is that sometimes things that are obvious are better. like YUKIRYO. like RENJUN右. they are obvious because they are correct. but sometimes things that are not obvious are better, and the difference is whether i agree or not. in the end most of the time what i want is the unpopular order characterisation with the popular order... double subversions to end up back at the accepted t/b order are actually woker than wokeshipping... stable societies despite power struggles >>>
now i do regularly landmine myself by writing the opposite order to what i believe in because i like to keep myself vigilant, and also i kind of didn't care about t/b / tried to convince myself that i didn't care about t/b by consistently championing the opposite of my actual preferences until as recently as 2019 (NO MATTER HOW I LOOK AT IT THIS IS NCT'S FAULT but they literally have 0s and 1s in there). so basically the views i have previously expressed do not express my views, except when they do. it's very simple actually just read my mind.
also i barely even read english fic anymore but if i did i would be ctrl+f'ing to cock before starting just to make sure the order is correct... i deeply appreciate east asian fandoms for always clearly indicating order because they also believe it is that serious so i will never get surprise landmined. only landmined on purpose when i go shopping at the landmine store.
piloting criteria
my dream is crafting a formula that i can simply apply to any fandom and achieve a perfect sorting of my top/bottom preferences... so far i have not yet successfully created my ultimate Who Is Flying The Plane flowchart because there always seems to be surprise exceptions to what i like to see.
these criteria are kind of very unwoke, objectively, but i'm doing them in the right way so actually they are good. ranked roughly in order of how much weight i give each consideration but none of them are determinative in and of themselves and also it depends on the ship:
- hierarchy - i believe in rank order determining order as well, because i love to maintain power structures
- i do not subscribe to leaders bottoming, i can respect(?) the appeal of taking responsibility away from a hardworking leader in bed but that is no longer really the dynamic i enjoy or the type of leaders i stan anymore. i used to think i was a bottom leaders stan but actually i was just an oikawa stan, that was the exception not the rule. which is kinda funny because i'm a haikyuu chasteshipper i don't actually think about t/b for hq since i tend to politely avert my eyes for explicit content there
- in fact i think leaders should top, most of the time. it depends on the type of leader
- strength/power - stronger/more powerful one should top especially if they always beat the other one. winning is a great measure of topness to me. again i love to maintain power structures
- narrative role - this is for shounen series in particular, my default rule is that protags should top and rivals should bottom. since protags are usually stronger than their rivals this complements the above criteria well
- obvious exception is when the protag is like classic rival archetype and rival is classic protag archetype... and that's why it's kinryo
- direction of murderous intent - it's literally a bottom trait to want to kill someone specific really really badly. To Me. ofc it's extremely romantic for people to try to kill each other so i think that whoever wants to kill the other person more strongly should bottom
- this is not the same as being The Killer which involves being a top... The Killer is more of the play with their food type, this criteria is about haterism and wanting to kill someone out of that haterism and also (VERY IMPORTANT) not actually being able to do so because... hierarchy / power / narrative role!
- favouritism - generally i want my 1pick to bottom even if i don't think they're a bottom, which is a lot of the time. except lately i've kinda been stanning tops a lot so idk if this criteria is going to hold up for much longer... i want my 1pick to bottom except when i don't, i guess, which is true of all the criteria in this list
- height/size - well i like the optics of size difference and i think large top x tiny bottom >>>>> tiny top x large bottom. also it's easier for a larger person to be physically stronger as well
- age - usually prefer older one to top. cant help being Stable Societies R Us
finally, the REASON i care so much about top/bottom order is that i like to have opinions and whenever i have opinions i have to all-or-nothing them. that's all. in conclusion,
"It's the same! Isn't it the same two people in love?"
"IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT."
"IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT."
thanks for reading <3
no subject
Date: 2021-08-11 06:28 am (UTC)personalié subscribing to a lot of this tho i would also add (for my taste) that if i could conceivably want to f^^^ them then they are automatically at 1. to me. sometimes h^rny is all u need etc etc.........
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Date: 2021-08-11 07:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-11 06:32 am (UTC)also imo leader bottoms >>>>> but i think the types of leaders u like are different from what i like
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Date: 2021-08-11 07:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-12 01:24 am (UTC)i do think that part of the reason im not as fixed in t/b preferences is because i dont really like reading or writing penetrative sex that much and i tend to find it extremely boring these days... but my dynamics preference (as in giving/receiving or leading/following) IS pretty fixed for each pairing i'm into, it just doesn't follow a pre-established pattern like urs does haha
no subject
Date: 2021-08-12 02:16 am (UTC)i can recognise when switching would be more in character im just unhappy about it haha i generally have a preferred order and acknowledge that the switching is happening offscreen i just dont want to see it... im also not like super into reading/writing penetrative sex that much so i am basically using t/b as a catchall term for the overall direction of power in the rship dynamics... unfortunately my love of random bureaucracy extends to having rules around t/b preferences too LOL
no subject
Date: 2021-08-11 07:42 am (UTC)to me, i don't think top/bottom determines personality traits but rather that personality traits determine top/bottom, so right characterization wrong order always >>>>>>> bc if the characterization is right enough then i will be convinced of the order by virtue of it being in character. also i tend to use top/bottom and & dom/sub pretty interchangeably unless the situation really calls for specificity, but it doesn't really matter whose dick is going in whom, it's the dom/sub dynamix that's more important and that i'm more likely to get up in arms about, if anything.
also you obvs know this about me but i generally do enjoy subversions/power struggles/etc, i can respect doing it for spite but most of the time the execution comes off kinda forced and cliche... real ones know you enjoy subversions for the subversions. i also think [baseless theorizing] there's a connection between people who like gay people fic tending to enjoy subversions and people who dislike gay people fic being more extreme in their fixedpreferencefuckery. not trying to be like "ur preferences are heteronormative" or w/e idc but more in the affirmative of like queering established dynamix IS literally attractive to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
no subject
Date: 2021-08-11 08:01 am (UTC)i think u may be right re: correlation btwn fixed preferences liking <-> gay people fic disliking and vice versa tho kjsdgkjfds it kinda is about interest/lack thereof in subverting power structures. tho i do like subverting power structures i just prefer it to like happen twice so we end up back at the original power structure and this is different from things not changing because its sexier to have some power struggles that dont do anything in there... to me
no subject
Date: 2021-08-11 08:24 am (UTC)i also do enjoy double subversions too, obviously i'm never going to say no to more unsuccessful power struggles and complications and ambivalence and ambiguity hahaha
i'll have to think on the gay people fic connection some more tho, i feel like i have this nebulous elaborate theory explanation for it in my mind that i can't verbalize yet but good to see that you agree there's something there
no subject
Date: 2021-08-11 09:03 am (UTC)*beyonce smiling and tap tap scrolling on nintendo ds dot gif* soooo true...heheh......SOOOOOOOO TRU
Date: 2021-08-11 07:46 am (UTC)THIS entire section in particular chefs kiss YOURRRR mind.....it really is exactly like that. you have to be on an extremely advanced plane of existence to understand the haptics and proxemics that solidify this stance being correct......
Re: *beyonce smiling and tap tap scrolling on nintendo ds dot gif* soooo true...heheh......SOOOOOOOO
Date: 2021-08-11 08:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-11 11:36 am (UTC)LITERALLY THIS IS ITTTT i keep thinking how ummm we have a taste for killers but also about how this is akam and ALSO how this is lowkey jmrn fr (rj just does repression so well + jaemin og killer top) and also about how i sent u those stockholm syndrome tiktoks and we were like ok we'd probably last 1 week max bc we are both self-aware that we are both extremely susceptible to the gaslighting toxic aspect of it all and the way it translates to shipping preferences is not lost on me!!!
it is really about the maintaining hierarchy even tho my nct otp is severely lacking in any of that but in all other aspects it really does apply.... also oikawa being the exception not to rule is so true. i am at all times connecting the jaemin oikawa kaito archetypes in my brain which makes 0-1 sorting complicated sometimes but it's ok. i can compartmentalize a little, as a treat. as always love a stable society even if markmin shinkaishin is currently being ??? for us at the moment.... it is true that mostly everything else is fixed and no riva!! thank u for being right and correct as ever... <3
no subject
Date: 2021-08-12 01:06 am (UTC)jmjn IS maintaining hierarchy even tho theyre truelove endgame married its the hierarchy of 1s and 0s... So its still applying there!!! ctfu right.. jaemin and kaito are especially so associated in my head that reconciling jaeminleft with shinkai is causing me pain but it really is shinkaishin tho they incontrovertibly canonically flew the plane together. but jaemin 1 oikawa 0 kaito umm 0.5 i guess it really does balance out!!! thank U for being my stable society coconspirator 😘💖
no subject
Date: 2021-08-17 08:16 am (UTC)(p.s. i think u are indeed intj which is one of the types i understand the least to greatly contradict my own comment about completely understanding u which actually makes me more right and accurate? very cool. anyway i have been observing dw posting habits lately as i've been run off twitter daily due to bad eyesight. i love sounding like im this pretentious 80yo at all times when i am nothing like that. maybe that's what they call "duality." anyway my oomf teeks who understands themself as intj has the closest dw posting style as u. written in uncaring incomprehensibility but deeply intellectual if u bother to read. that's not the only reason why i think u are intj but it is uncannily similar the way you two type ur tweets n posts n such. you're competitive and you get things done you are constantly at work it seems writing these dw posts or fics etc etc all of these things are #i could never relate i am the least competitive least task-oriented most feeling most unproductive person on the planet sloth as my fatal flaw etc etc can't finish a damn thing. hence why i understand ur mind so little i physically cannot comprehend operating like that. im infp (fi ne si te) and if u are intj (ni te fi se) then it all explains itself doesn't it? ni the function i Get the least, and then te the function im literally the worst at. beautiful concoction of i-dont-get-it. feel free to ask after this more or contest this whatever u feel like doing~ sorry to drop this under ur own post ajdjdkdmfmd)
no subject
Date: 2021-08-18 07:44 am (UTC)yayy thank u im glad to have external support for my self assigned mbti typing!!! i also completely support sounding like pretentious 80yo because i love to do this too btw. 😃🤔 i literally dont remember anything from my brief foray into function stacks so i believe whatever u say but is the competitive task orientation coming from the ni or...?? feel free to elaborate or link me to a trusted source of info skfdjhgkdh
also i hope your corneas are regenerating well!?? SHOULD U BE ON DW???