rhodochrosite: (Default)

the funny thing about jaemin is that he is absolutely not Just Any Guy and yet it feels like every second guy in media reminds me of him. i think this is because he is the perfect inverse of Just Any Guy so he ends up being Every Specific Guy instead. this is not really a post describing jaemin's 5 million 2d clones, this is a power scaling post where i arbitrarily assign some stats i made up so i can discover the most jaemin jaeminclone.

here are the stats i'm assessing on:
  • Handsome Young Man - visual power
  • Fansign Boyfriend - charm, charisma, flirtatiousness
  • Stable Society - maintenance of control in all situations (delusionally or not), dislike of change and/or consequences
  • You Are Not Coming In - hidden "true" self, persona and authenticity issues
  • I'm Weird I'm A Weirdo - being a silly funny goofy jokesy guy
  • The Killer - what it says on the tin
  • Super Seme - also what it says on the tin
  • [WILD CARD] - bonus criteria


THE CANDIDATES
in no particular order:

OIKAWA TOORU (HAIKYUU)

  • HANDSOME = 5: speaks for itself. special shoutout to oikawa's beautiful fluffy boyband hair.
  • BOYFRIEND = 5: insane charm and charisma are two of oikawa's most powerful weapons, i wouldn't necessarily call him flirty (i really think that's more of a fanon trait) but i think his ability to influence others shines mostly in the arena of leadership and performing his on-court role as setter via bringing the best out of others.
  • STABLE = 2: due to inferiority complex i think he does try to delusionally cling to the idea of being The Best, particularly through middle school and partly through high school. but the key thing about oikawa is that he understands that true growth means change and upheaval and not always winning but rather focusing on what you do and how to improve after you lose, and he does eventually embrace that and that's why he comes out the other end of his character arc so mature and settled. he likes to direct the flow of the situation so much it's his literal job as a setter, and he's obviously extremely deliberate about social interactions including deploying cutesy nicknames to either assert control over wildcard rivals or demonstrate friendly closeness or both, but he knows how to genuinely handle societal destabilisation and learn from it to get better. so in a way he transcends the need for stable society altogether by ultimately winning even when he loses.
  • NOT COMING IN = 5: king of carefully constructed persona that draws on elements of his "true" personality and emphasises them depending on what is most needed in the situation so that he's never really lying about who he is but you couldn't say that you really knew him. unless you were--
  • WEIRDO = 5: nerdy alien stanning spacecase... gets affectionately bullied by his friends esp matsuhana who will never fail to point out how strange and offputting he can be particularly his singlemindedness about volleyball... i think it's important that he does have his Fucking Weirdo moments alongside his polished charm because i believe he actually deliberately punctures his Ultimate Leader image by letting his friends theatrically make fun of him as a form of atmosphere management for his team.
  • KILLER = 0: while it's true that he has the kind of powerful persona control emblematic of The Killer, he isn't really using that for nefarious purposes. like the thing about oikawa is that even though he occupies an antagonistic narrative position he's really a good guy which sort of disqualifies him from killerism.
  • 1+ = 1: for extremely inexplicable reasons i'm a chasteshipper in haikyuu, my sag moon monkey brain just politely averts its eyes and therefore i really don't have 1/0 opinions. like i guess i conceptually prefer oikawaright but i'm not mad about oikawaleft especially now that i'm in my Leaders Are Always Left era. i don't think he couldn't do it, i think oikawa can do anything. but it's definitely hinaoi to me though, haikyuu definitely abides by the rule of protagleft rivalright in this case TO MEEE. but anyway i mostly avoid thinking about it and call it a day but i wouldn't exactly call oikawa a super seme yk.
  • BONUS = 4: i feel like oikawa is like, the og jaeminclone who is generally known and accepted throughout the dream/haikyuu overlap community even though after assessing him on my invented criteria he isn't really that much of a jaemin but i will ofc be putting respect on the jaemkawa name with a generous bonus score. also oikawa is my haikyuu 1pick and honestly like top 5 characters of all time to me so i'm adding more points because it's myyyyyyy power scaling post.
TOTAL = 27/40


KUROBA KAITO (DETECTIVE CONAN)

  • HANDSOME = 5: and his phantom thief outfit slayed too!!! and i like his hair.
  • BOYFRIEND = 5: charmingly rogueish gentleman thief flirtatiousness meter maxed out, he will sweet-talk anyone. he is a very good performer and a very dashing young man.
  • STABLE = 2: i don't think kaito is super invested in societal stability, in fact as a magician he is kind of all about rapid change and reactiveness, his score here is just because if you think about it he always wins like he always gets away with his heists even when he "loses" to shinichi so he's having a pretty stable society without even trying.
  • NOT COMING IN = 3: secret identity involves, well, secrecy, and he literally has shapeshifter powers so he's very good at wearing other people's identities as persona. but again i don't think he's super invested in keeping people out due to hatred of showing vulnerability in the way that jaemin is. kaito is mostly performing himself, and that self is a performer, so he's really just doing it for fun.
  • WEIRDO = 5: his civilian identity is a class clown troublemaker and he's a super theatrical performer so definitely very weird on purpose.
  • KILLER = 0: like oikawa, kaito's only real killeristic trait is that he's very good at persona management, but kaito notably Does Not Kill so i feel like on principle he should have a 0 score here, he's been framed for murder enough times in canon.
  • 1+ = 2: i personally don't have any bl ships where kaito is left (since i believe girls are always right i guess he's left for aoko and i suppose akako is actually the jaemin to kaito's mark) but i reckon he could do it.
  • BONUS = 5: jaemin kid is literally canon after all THANK YOU 2019 SMTOWN HALLOWEEN YOU'RE EVERYTHING.
TOTAL = 27/40


HAKUBA SAGURU (DETECTIVE CONAN)

  • HANDSOME = 5: look i'm just gonna be rating everyone 5/5 on visuals i don't think you can be a jaeminclone without being handsome in-universe.
  • BOYFRIEND = 5: he's got the british gentleman polite society manners thing going on.
  • STABLE = 3: i don't think he's really bothered about it but he's not really experiencing much societal destabilisation anyway, like he's on good terms with his rival at home kaito and they're really just tom and jerry style playacting their showdowns, and if anything he's the guy destabilising other people's societies for jokes (the people being heiji, though it really doesn't take that much to set heiji off LOL).
  • NOT COMING IN = 2: again i don't think he's really that interested in hiding things about himself, he presumably has healthy detective caution due to the nature of his job but he literally introduces himself via character profile including birthday and blood type.
  • WEIRDO = 3: i think being british automatically gives him weirdo points but also the sherlock cosplay and the pet hawk really complete the eccentricity picture. but i think this is more in a sincere way than purposeful image break so he's like unselfconsciously a weirdo.
  • KILLER = 3: the points are for being british and being voiced by mamo and having killeristic energy. i know he's a detective so he's supposed to be the anti-killer but like... he has the vibe. like if he weren't a detective he would be such a slayful serial killer.
  • 1+ = 4: for bl shipping i think he's left with kaito and right with heiji but i do think he is generally a 1. he is british after all.
  • BONUS = 1: i can't really think of anything extra jaeminesque about hakuba but i think it's funny that both halves of the magic kaito rivalry are guys who are jaemin... jaemin truly does contain multitudes.
TOTAL = 25/40


YOO JUNG (CHEESE IN THE TRAP)

  • HANDSOME = 5: visually one of my favourite love interests everrrr literally ideal shoujo male lead looks.
  • BOYFRIEND = 5: cultivates aura of polite and generous charm so that people will like him and trust him and he will be able to leverage this to use them to carry out his own ends whenever he needs to enact some revenge plan without getting his own hands dirty.
  • STABLE = 5: jung is extremelyyyyyy concerned with maintaining a stable society with himself in the dominant position and hates change so much he will try to eliminate any threats to the status quo, he will retaliate 3x as hard in response to all perceived slights (and experience no guilt if he misjudged and harmed an innocent). cheese in the trap is basically a story about all the people who have to die for standing in jung and seol's way (killed on purpose by jung or semi-accidentally by seol) which is why it is the romance of all time <3
  • NOT COMING IN = 5: since jung is a capricorn sociopath who fundamentally does not understand human emotion, everything about his interaction with the world is constructed for maximum manipulativeness and control and shielding all potential vulnerabilities, absolutely nobody is coming in. even with seol one of the major problems they face is that jung wants to give seol what she wants, which he believes he can achieve by telling her the things he thinks she wants to hear, but seol is too genre-savvy/paranoid to believe him and really seol just wants him to be sincere with her. cried so violently it made me feel ill over the climax where jung finally demonstrates not just Real Human Boyness but genuine vulnerability in front of seol like what the fuck..... love is real.
  • WEIRDO = 1: i think this is basically the only category jung doesn't match up well with jaemin in because jung is very very attached to his perfect image. ofc he has his cute rich boy struggling to interface with society moments like pretending to know what a voucher is and failing at wrapping convenience store onigiri but those are private and more lowkey, he isn't actively presenting a silly goofy image even though he is a freak. but he does hide the freakness pretty well, he's never wanted to break image on purpose.
  • KILLER = 5: see my original killer post but jung is literally the sadistic manipulative remorseless sociopath in question. he is trying to be seol's pet sociopath except seol is unhappy about jung outsourcing his moral compass to her, this is truly one of my favourite worldview clashes in couples. not that that is related but i need everyone to know that jungseol is seriously perfect het of ever to me definitely top 5 hets of all time i love them so much.
  • 1+ = 5: obviously i'm 左右相手固定 for jungseol so it doesn't matter but i think jung is objectively a 1 as well!!
  • BONUS = 5: jung is one of my favourite jaemclones i kind of want to give him more than 5/5 bonus points i truly do think he is the perfect jaemin fictional equivalent. rt myself:
    • rich
    • generous
    • possessive over favourite people
    • will sulk if favourite people display favouritism for people who arent him
    • does not enjoy change
    • literally the killer
    • human cosplay sometimes slips up
    • sooooo handsome
    • watch guy
    • mamas boy, daddy issues
    • snake gijinka
    • attached to material objects
    • only likes the people he likes
    • seriously so handsome beautiful perfect face did i mention handsome
TOTAL = 36/40


CHAR AZNABLE (GUNDAM)

  • HANDSOME = 5: char even underwent a handsomeness level up (to me) during his most Going Through It and deprived of presence of favourite people era like i really do think char's counterattack~=make a wish. now jaemin was not experiencing depression to the point of dropping an asteroid on the earth but if he had giant space war machine robot tech available to him who's to say that he wouldn't have...
  • BOYFRIEND = 4: so charismatic even his old enemies were trying to make him president of the world for some reason even though this is NOT cute, chars only take official leadership positions when they are SEVERELY distressed etc. i don't think he's necessarily actively a schmoozer or even enjoys it, it's just that he seems to have clocked that this is a good way to get other people to do what he wants, especially with girls. he's literally like sure peggle i'll kiss you if you go onto the battlefield for me. he does use fansign boyfriendism as a manipulation tactic, which lalah clocked but was willing to play her half of the couple cosplay for anyway because she loved char so much it was enough for her, and which i think nanai also clocked but is having to actively cognitively restructure herself out of clocking because she doesn't really want to confront it.
  • STABLE = 3: i'm gonna be honest i'm so invested in one-sidedly stabilising char's society that it does not matter to me that char actually does not really seem to want a stable society himself and kinda implodes it on purposeish. but arguably having such a world shaking impact on the legacy of gundam including having multiple archetypes of gundam characters all based on him is the realest stable society of all. he also loves to dodge and ignore consequences so that counts.
  • NOT COMING IN = 5: he is also a guy operating under several false identities, but even apart from that char's motives are not only incomprehensible to me but i legitimately think they are also incomprehensible to himself and he is just convincing himself that he has some form of ideology. he does not, he just says he does. char is sort of empty as fuck not even himself is coming in. even when he's trying to be his original identity casval rem deikun he doesn't know who that is or what that person believes in and he's just performing neo zeon cult leader while being totally miserable about it. i think it's notable that he is very uncomfortable playing the role of figurehead leader and describes himself multiple times as feeling like a clown even though he executes it flawlessly, like char doesn't really know who he is but at least he knows who he doesn't want to be but that doesn't help him very much.
  • WEIRDO = 4: not to be blatantly not following my own criteria but char is so funny to me it doesn't even matter that he isn't doing it on purpose because genuinely who could say what char intends or doesn't intend. like it's just so funny when he just straight up lies like when he said he'd never betrayed anyone in his life, i can't not give him a good score on the jokes axis. Ha Ha axis get it--
  • KILLER = 5: he did literally attempt genocide, to say nothing of the countless murders and war crimes he committed as a career soldier who finds fulfilment and joy in killing people, and origin straight up paints him as a sociopath initially reined in by sayla but then it got complicated.
  • 1+ = 5: I DON'T CARE. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME ON THIS ONE, I AM NOT TAKING CRITICISM AT THIS TIME.
  • BONUS = 5: rt myself: "yes i do think of char as a jaemin clone even though char was allegedly created 21 years before jaemin but as if it's my fault they have so many specific psychological problems in common eg: 1 million control issues, being male manipulators, never saying what they mean or committing to a stance so they can never be destabilised (in theory), being very good at clocking other people's desires and fulfilling these desires even if they don't understand where those desires come from, speaking vaguely so the people they're speaking to can project whatever they want onto it, having very small inner circles, only liking the people they already like, constantly trying to reconstruct the past and/or maintain the status quo, loving to lecture others, hating it when actions have consequences, enjoying power and attention but not the responsibility that comes with, having extremely constructed public-facing personas with no clear boundary between those and their internal selves........... etc." also they both have beloved kiiinda morality chain mentees. also there is the terror i will not name (moriguchi_hiroko_beyond_the_time.mp3). also i think it's really funny that char is also mostly a nevernude to the point of being famous for wearing a mask but when he shows skin it's by having his arms out, Just Like J
TOTAL = 36/40


GRAHAM AKER (GUNDAM 00)

  • HANDSOME = 5: the most handsome of all the handsome young men in gundam TO MEEEEE.
  • BOYFRIEND = 3: i think he's kinda more sanada-esque maybe, like he is less concerned with likeability and more concerned with honesty and honour which is what draws people to him over any kind of constructed or deliberate charm but he does also have a random talkative sentimental streak. i personally find that very charming though and this is my post so i'm being generous with the fansign boyfriend points.
  • STABLE = 3: i don't think he's bothered about trying to maintain societal stability, in fact he enjoys actively facing challenges and handling situations and testing his abilities. but he gets points for managing to be undestabilisable even in the face of a rival who doesn't rival him back, and also for not dying when killed multiple times.
  • NOT COMING IN = 1: despite the fake identity which he didn't even really bother with i think graham is kind of an open book but i'm giving him a just-in-case point because i was so entranced by his face every time he was onscreen that i don't actually remember much about him.
  • WEIRDO = 4: As A Sentimental Virgo... also his love interest is literally a gundam.
  • KILLER = 1: he's handsome enough to be a killer and he certainly has literally killed people as a career soldier but other than that i don't really think he fits the archetype.
  • 1+ = 5: i think this is objective.
  • BONUS = 5: he literally ends up with jaemin's boom era blond hair with blue bangs after his resurrection as metal alien symbiote!!!
TOTAL = 27/40


MASHIMA TAICHI (CHIHAYAFURU)

  • HANDSOME = 5: noted popular handsome young man in-universe!!
  • BOYFRIEND = 4: polite and charming student president type, not actively magnetic or flirty i think. but i could be wrong as it's been a while since i read...
  • STABLE = 4: see now i kind of feel bad for skewing the scale with all the other insane supernaturally delusional society stability enthusiasts discussed in this post because i really do think taichi is quite invested in this due to his inferiority complex vs his golden boy image, but not quite to like, genocidal proportions.
  • NOT COMING IN = 4: the image manager in question whose inferiority complex causes him to construct a perfect outward facing persona to cover up his insecurities. i do think the focus for taichi is slightly different than for jaemin because i feel like jaemin is not necessarily image managing and keeping people out due to insecurity but more because he just doesn't like being perceived in ways he can't dictate. like it's not that jaemin fears rejection due to being not good enough if he lets people see who he really is, he just has severe control issues and wants everyone to exist in relation to him on his terms only. sorry tails if this sounds incomprehensible to the viewer, i may be reflexively stabilising jaemin's society here.
  • WEIRDO = 1: i don't think he's estranged enough from normal society like jung or atobe to be weird nor do i think he cultivates weirdness on purpose, i think he's just like normal guy levels of weirdness. or like, normal guy invested in niche sport levels... like after correcting for the baseline of being a karuta player.
  • KILLER = 1: point for image management and being rich and he's voiced by mamo so that's basically killerism in law.
  • 1+ = 2: ummmmmm idk i don't even really ship him with anyone, like he's left by default with girls and he is probably capable of lefting with guys i just haven't thought about it. my l/r criteria are currently in an emergency upheaval state so i can't even try to objectively look at his character to determine my stance. like it's true that i think repression and inferiority complex are 0 traits but do i really? who could say ):
  • BONUS = 4: taichi is more on the oikawa end of the jaeminclone spectrum but he has really long eyelashes and every time i see jaemin's eyelashes i'm reminded of this one quote from transversely's seminal work a nice girl, slightly dilettanteish: "He’s actually sheltered, you know, his eyelashes, they’re like those plants that grow in the dark in the Amazon I think." also their second male lead energy lol
TOTAL = 25/40


AI (YUGIOH VRAINS)

  • HANDSOME = 5: when he finally gets a human form during his ai's counterattack maw equivalent era in s3 it is a very handsome human form.
  • BOYFRIEND = 2: it is admittedly harder for him to be charming and flirty when he spends the majority of the series as a little usb gijinka and then when he gets his cyborg android body he's suicidally/omnicidally depressed under the veneer of cheerful arrogance but i guess he's overall usually quite social and chatty and playful and likeable.
  • STABLE = 5: wrote a whole post about this without realising i was talking about societal stability but he is sooooo bad at handling change or any circumstances out of his control, like genocidally bad at handling things. he has the jaemin trait of wanting everything to go his way all the time and not knowing what to do when it doesn't. he also doesn't die when killed 🙏
  • NOT COMING IN = 3: i think ai is good at seeming pretty straightforward! and most of the time he really is sincere and feels no need to obscure parts of himself. but i think he could if he wanted to, like he did keep the backup copy of himself stored in roboppy a secret from everyone and he is ofc massively lying through s3, so i would say he is pretty good at lying and concealing and faking.
  • WEIRDO = 5: he is so annoying <3 he's jokes sidekick mascot mostly played for laughs (sentences typed moments before disaster) and it's really cute and funny contrasted with coolly stoic and laconic yusaku.
  • KILLER = 5: i actually didn't even clock this because ai is comic relief for most of the show before the grief and ptsd catches up to him and then i was too busy being tails_gets_trolled.png to do any dot connecting but ai is a textbook pet sociopath who would (and does) sacrifice the world to save one person. like s3 is literally him attempting to commit genocide to save the person he loves most so i think he definitely qualifies.
  • 1+ = 5: i also think this is objective!! ai and takeru tied for leftest left in vrains imo.
  • BONUS = 5: has an eldritch tentacle monster form (this is a jaemin trait to me), cyborg android ai boyfriend who is a demon masquerading as a housecat, enjoys clocking out and engaging in a bit of slackerism, sometimes refers to himself in cutesy third-person diminutive form, selfishly selfless by sacrificing his life to save yusaku's but forcing yusaku to be the one to kill him because he wanted to be with yusaku until the end, na "i am love" jaemin == "it's ai as in to love people." i think ai is most like current meta jaemin, who is mostly embracing his weirdness and jokesiness, but then you remember the terror. but in the end... it was LOVE all along.
TOTAL = 35/40


ATOBE KEIGO (TENIPURI)

  • HANDSOME = 5: visual king, i'm grateful every day for nats ovas art level up that finally did depict him as handsome as i believe he is supposed to be and also for his tenirabi cards where he always looks slayeristic.
  • BOYFRIEND = 5: king of charismatic leadership that inspires undying loyalty even from the guys who hate his ass king of slaying yume rankings despite coming from a franchise 20+ years old king of having an in-universe fanclub king of generous fanservice and also generosity in general.
  • STABLE = 5: KING OF HANDLING SITUATIONS king of never being destabilised king of winning even when he loses and in fact being a really gracious loser and super cool about it king of installing a perfect schoolwide monarchy and maintaining iron but fair and meritocratic control over all things. honestly king of actually for real having a stable society that doesn't even need cognitive restructuring to stabilise, jaemin kind of wishes ngl.
  • NOT COMING IN = 5: king of image management, king of having a rock solid and undentable self image built on legitimate hard work and skill that is then projected outwards so powerfully it leaves no gaps in the armour. like i feel like atobe maxes out this criteria so hard by fully totally completely inhabiting his invincible king persona that it's really genuinely him and this criteria is not even applicable.
  • WEIRDO = 4: i don't think he's doing it as purposeful image management so i reluctantly have to dock one point but atobe is so like crazily exaggerated in every single character trait that it qualifies for weirdness by sheer force of personality. king of being fucking insane in such a self-assured way you just believe him and buy wholeheartedly into it. literally everyone is a freak in tennis but atobe is especially an unrepentant freak (extremely positive trait).
  • KILLER = 5: see also my original killers post king ofドS tendencies and torturing his opponents/love interests.
  • 1+ = 5: objective!!!!!!!!!!! allegedly leftest left in tenipuri though this result came about from much bloodshed and misery but i think i agree. but that doesn't matter anyway because obviously he's a super1 no matter what. KING OF LEFTING.
  • BONUS = 5: ATOBE THEE GENEROUS i truly believe that atobe is literally jaemin at his best when he's fully clocked in and turning the effortfulness dial up to max. also jaemin is atobe in dreampuri so obviously i think atobe is really guy who is jaemin. i know this has been an even more gripless entry than the others but once again: IT'S MYYYY POST and i think the fact that i'm intensely delusional about atobe and jaemin in the exact same way is actually more evidence in support of jaemtobe.
TOTAL = 39/40


AND THE TOTALLY NOT RIGGED WINNER IS...


ATOBE KEIGO
!!!! congratulations to the king of being jaemin in not real life!!!!!


HONOURABLE MENTIONS
ECHIZEN RYOGA (TENIPURI) - because i said so. for personal reasons. and also because i think the first time i ever used the phrase "handsome young man" was about ryoga. and also he's the killer. also i have personal reasons. also the way ryoga rapper girlfriendises himself around byodoin gives me intense flashbacks to how jaemin does like domesticated cat cosplay around mark. i think ryoga has the jaemin trait of liking the freedom to do whatever he wants but not wanting the responsibility that tends to be tied to that kind of power. anyway just trust me bro. i probably should have included him in the main list but i didn't want to for personal reasons as well and now i have to commit to my decision.

INUI SADAHARU (TENIPURI) - they are both nevernudes and super1s who are extremely fucking weird and ever since ciel said that jaemin would definitely wear long trackpants all the time even in summer matches which would piss everyone off just like inui i have been periodically cracking up at the mental image, when jaemin enters his making health juices era then we will realise...

YUKIMURA SEIICHI (TENIPURI) - i realised the other day that yukimura's 2pick is literally his dog (pronounced REAL TRUE LOVE ENDGAME SOULMATE) and his mini-me mentee and i know he is 2pickshipping them and crafting beautiful handmade jokes wedding invitations with pressed flowers from his own garden cordially inviting friends and rivals to the union of 💖Sanada Genichiro & Kirihara Akaya💖. but other than this very funny coincidence i don't think he has anything in common with jaemin (other than being 1-aligned but it's complicated to me i don't want to get into it rn) and i honestly feel like i need to apologise to yukimura for mentioning him in this list at all.

SENGOKU KIYOSUMI (TENIPURI) - yes i do think half the tenipuri cast is Whoops All Jaemins but ummm yeah guy who is handsome and 1+ and actually deeply unhinged and undestabilisable under the goofy charming veneer no problem.

AKAI SHUICHI (DETECTIVE CONAN) - because they are both ultra1 perfect bl tops to me and the left half of my fandom otps. they don't really have anything else in common because the narrative legitimately does bend over backwards to make sure akai always wins and always comes out on top (lol) and never dies even when he is killed and always has a stable society... akai is char wish fulfilment and therefore jaemin wish fulfilment in law.

HARUNA MOTOKI (OOFURI) - so handsome a rival team's coach brought his visuals up while talking about his various baseball powers and stats... i think he's kind of a cross between oikawa and kirihara so he's just a bit too far removed from the oikawa end of the jaeminclone archetype spectrum to really count.

TOM (TOM AND JERRY) - for some reason tom tomandjerry is one of the guys whose societies i am deeply intensely invested in stabilising for them, alongside fellow luminaries such as char and mark and jaemin himself, and i think he is a 1, also not taking criticism at this time.


thank you for reading!! i hope this post is taken in the loving and joking spirit in which it is intended, feel free to let me know if there are any other guys who are jaemin i'm unaware of <3
rhodochrosite: (Default)
follow-up to the jokes compilation i just posted there will probably be more songs in this list because i love tennis terror saurrrr much. i think for me there needs to be something in the instrumentals/melody itself not just the lyrics that makes me experience tails_gets_trolled.png so for example <pain karamiau futatsu no story> is extremely terror inducing lyrics and context wise but i feel like the song itself is just like, a nice song. same with <mattetaze> definitely like top 5 most fucked up lyrics of all time and made me crazy yukibun shipper but the actual song is just a normal ballad. like i feel like there isn't anything in the instrumentals that makes me feel like *incomprehensible* if you know what i mean. and vice versa with <bring it on>, which has randomly the most tails_gets_trolled chorus melody line but the lyrics are just about being doubles married and trying your best at tennis, and <tegami>, which is a lovely song about the ocean that just sounds extremely heart touchingly sad for no discernible reason

also i was trying really hard not to... ship goggles terror so i left off songs like <for yourself> and <kokushoku no aura> which i feel like are not necessarily terror in and of themselves but because i associate them so heavily with snyk terror they have become extremely terror to me. this intro is getting long af but i also want to say i almost included <koikaze> and <dear prince> but i think those are more twitter crying eyes heart eyes stickered jerry than straight terror, and also <manatsu no ame> is more a straight up villain song for yukimura than like terror. ok now that i've gone through a million songs that aren't even on my list:

the ideals we chased, wanting to catch them with these hands... )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
ok there are tennis songs that are funny and songs from joke units and songs that are funny Because they are serious legit bangers from joke units (eg everything by megane seven or koharu) but i tried to only include the ones that are like fully meant to be jokes. in no particular order:

MINNA ISSHO NI RHYTHM NI NAROUZE )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
sometime last year i decided to try my hand at making a piano arrangement for a song... i have classical training but i've never been any good at composition so i thought i would test my abilities. i did <color - fuji syusuke & hirakoba rin>, which is my favourite tennis song, since i anticipated i would be listening to it a lot and i didn't want to get sick of it lol.

here is the arrangement:

and here is the sheet music, sorry for writing on the world's flimsiest ugliest manuscript paper and also for the beaming mistakes i undoubtedly made:






process diary under cut )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
i mentioned in my <t/b criteria post> that my ideal 1 x 0 dynamic is "hostageshipping aka proud/tsundere/resentful bottom is reluctant and embarrassed to admit to what they want and has to be forcibly unrepressed by magnanimous but fully in control top who knows exactly what the bottom wants. and there are power struggles in vain or for plausible deniability reasons" and i wanted to elaborate on that by providing some case studies. this is specifically about 1s and 0s (ie dynamics that i think are sexy) not my favourite ships necessarily. but anyway here is some further elaboration on my ultimate 1 x 0 ship HOSTAGESHIPPING aka zerofalcon aka reiji/shun from yugioh arc v:

the contextual gist of hostageshipping is like... what if you were the son of the guy who sent an army to invade my home dimension / massacre everyone / kidnap my sister so i hunted you down across dimensions intending to take you hostage to trade for my sister but you offered to strike a deal where i work for you while you assemble your own army to strike back at your dad and essentially i became the hostage instead. cue absolutely insane power dynamics. the only problem is that not even hostageshipping fully lives up to the hostageshipping print for reasons i will outline shortly so the perfect 1 x 0 dynamic doesn't actually exist in my knowledge (YET...?)

also obligatory link to my all-time magnum opus from 2017 <compromiseshipping manifesto> which explains everything in more detail (so so much detail)

HOSTAGESHIPPING BLUEPRINT
IDEAL 0 TRAITS
  • wants to kill the 1
    • importantly, is unable to kill the 1, though not for lack of trying
  • strong sense of pride and independence, very stubborn
  • repressed
  • prickly, tsundere, probably a bitch (at least to the 1, may be nice to other people)
    • actually it's really funny if they ARE nice to other people but just like extremely a bitch towards the 1 specifically
  • super competitive and petty about it
  • competent and proud of their skill
    • which is why it's even more frustrating that the 1 is stronger than them
  • a lot of pent-up anger that doesn't get expressed either because they're repressed or there's some situational factors that prevent them from doing so (eg sense of professionalism, agreement to cooperate)
  • picky / fussy / otherwise particular or detail oriented
  • regularly gets injured / beaten up / bloody
  • desperate but trying not to look like it or otherwise good at hiding it
  • generally has like massively intense emotions but sublimated to varying degrees of success


IDEAL 1 TRAITS
  • cool, levelheaded, difficult to faze
  • confident and self-assured
  • control issues manifest in the form of magnanimity
    • they are so secure in having the upper hand that they can afford to give gifts/concessions/leeway to others (on their terms ofc)
    • indulgent but like controllingly
  • patient and slow to anger, able to handle the 0's moods
  • stronger, higher ranked, more powerful, older, taller than the 0
  • megalomaniac asshole (may still be nice)
  • possessive but exhibitionist streak
  • generous in manipulative and dubcon way
    • i saw a tweet from a jfan joking that the S in SM stands for service and suddenly i understood everything... the energy is "i want to give you what you want, even if you don't know or want to admit that you want it, AND/OR what you want is for me to be the one who wants it instead of you"
    • if that makes sense
  • like just really generous overall. like virgo venus leo mars style
  • probably the killer / subtype thereof


IDEAL DYNAMIC
  • no reverse, obviously
  • extremely fixed power dynamic despite constant and futile attempts from the 0 to subvert it
    • but they don't ACTUALLY want to subvert it they just think they do
  • 0 has strong haterism towards 1, 1 finds this cute and charming and will probably tease 0 about it
    • like this: 1-❤-><-💢-0
    • the haterism should have both ideological elements and personal elements. and also have parts that are justifiable and parts that are just super petty
    • one-sided rivalry is so good and funny to me i love the 0 going all out trying to defeat/kill/etc the 1 but the 1 barely registering them as a threat because they are objectively stronger
  • unnegotiated bdsm and especially d/s elements
  • it's about the 0 maintaining plausible deniability that they Don't Want This by semi-performatively semi-genuinely struggling or fighting back in a situation they know they can't win so they can be "forced" into submission without having to endure the damage to their pride caused by willingly giving in or the humiliation of admitting to wanting anything. all of which the 1 is fully aware of but happy to indulge (with some teasing)
    • this is a big part of why i like strength/power/ability to determine top/bottom positioning because like... if the 0 can easily overpower the 1 there's no more plausible deniability??
    • forcible unrepression is so good. intricate rituals...


the original hostageshipping: reiji/shun (yugioh arc v)
ways in which hostageshipping is perfect
  • absolutely no reverse!!!!
  • extremely extremely skewed power dynamic where reiji completely has the upper hand in skill, rank hierarchy, bargaining power, resources available, duelling strength, ability......
  • shun wants to kill reiji so bad first in a war enemy way and then in a personal haterism way but he can't because he agreed to play by reiji's rules in order to save his sister so all he can do is seethe with rage while reluctantly obeying reiji's commands
    • every time shun wants to go off on his own to do something (like HELP HIS DYING BEST FRIEND) reiji coolly shuts him down and shun is soooo pissed about having to roll over but he does anyway
  • shun literally put himself in this position lmfao like due to picking the lesser of two evils since reiji is ostensibly on the same side of the war as him but it's still really funny that he actively chose to give reiji this insane amount of power over him no matter how much he hates it
  • reiji memorywiped some other LDS students who duelled shun before his recruitment, so shun knows that there's always the threat that he will be memorywiped into compliance if he steps out of line
    • memory is especially important to shun because he's lost everything (best friend, sister, hometown) and memory is literally all he has left so this is a very effective implied threat
  • reiji is very generous in condescending ways seemingly calculated to rub salt into the wound re: reiji's control of him:
    • he gifts shun brand new raidraptor pendulum cards he's designed to perfectly synergise with shun's existing deck in order to let him access the powerful new pendulum summoning technique... to highlight that his control of shun can extend even over his duelling
    • he sets the duel field during shun's tournament duels to a replica of shun's now-destroyed hometown... to push him to the brink of a grief/rage-fuelled breakdown and make him duel more intensely
    • he installs shun as his functional second-in-command... to put him in situations where shun will be forced to acquiesce to reiji's orders in front of other people


ways in which hostageshipping is not perfect
  • reiji is shorter and younger than shun... height and age isn't that important to me compared to other things but IDEALLY i like my 1s to be larger and older than 0s
  • hostageshipping is not my favourite ship for either of them, which is peregrineshipping (shun/serena) for shun and prodigyshipping (reiji/serena) for reiji. because SERENA is my onepick and actually i care most about her dynamics with shun and reiji so hostageshipping is really just one arm of compromiseshipping to me. because serena should be there
  • shun is not really a 0 anyway because peregrineshipping is shun/serena in that order. even if reiji/shun no reverse serenaright no reverse is even more non-negotiable in my heart
  • and shun barely fits any of my ideal 0 criteria anyway, it's just that his desperation + fury + suffering stats are SO off the charts that the rest of it doesn't matter that much
  • admittedly i haven't thought much about pendulumshipping but if i apply my default criteria of shounen protags top and shounen rivals bottom then reiji, being the arc v rival, is not really a 1 either
  • hostageshipping is actually like umm 0.7 x 0.1
  • serena is not there



OTHER EXAMPLES
jaemin/renjun (nct dream)
PROS
  • actually 1 x 0 shipping. TO ME
  • my favourite agenda for both of them and my 2pickshipping
  • size difference in the right direction
  • beautiful visual couple of perfectface x perfectface i love to look at them
  • i really like renjun and i really like jaemin
  • this exists
  • i wish i could explain why jmrn has such a grip on me that i needed two extra ao3 accounts to contain the overflow but i literally don't know why. except that i really like both of them
  • WILD CARD: renjun's paper dollisms add a fun extra angle which is that at some point he might flip from mock violence into total docility
CONS
  • they literally don't know each other like that. they are coworkers (neutral positive) which as you guys know i am extremely enthusiastic about but it is not conducive to the topic at hand
  • i made up this version of their dynamic in my head it doesn't exist. or if it did that was back in like 2019
  • also there's no actual killing intent, understandably, since they are real people, but it does put them at a disadvantage compared to the other ships on this list where the 0 for real is trying to murder the 1
  • everyone on ao3 (except for my sexy friends) is wrong about them, including me (my views do not represent my views)
  • i'm allergic to thinking about them for reasons beyond my comprehension i'm literally like WE CAN'T LET THEM KNOW WE L*KE JMRN also i sometimes get seriously haterised for no reason. well for reasons but the reasons might just be seeing the word r3nm1n. Yes i am jaemin renjun otp all time #1 rpf agenda shipper yes i have r3nm1n muted i exist. anyway that makes it hard for me to have up-to-date thoughts because i don't see them on my tl, which narratively mirrors the way that they do not have up-to-date thoughts about each other


atobe/shishido (prince of tennis)
PROS
  • actually 1 x 0 shipping
  • size difference in the right direction
  • atobe is fully aware that shishido has been haterised about him since first sight and it doesn't bother him at all because atobe is indisputably stronger than shishido
  • shishido is literally functioning as atobe's unofficial third-in-command like atobe has installed him in his executive cabinet despite shishido wanting to kill him because atobe the generous trusts shishido's objective ability and is willing to overlook shishido's murderous intent in the interests of achieving their shared goal of hyotei victory
  • and when it comes down to it, shishido IS completely loyal to atobe too he just doesn't like to admit it
  • WILD CARD: libraman4libramanshipping is inherently hysterically funny
CONS
  • far from my favourite agenda for either of them (oshitari or ryoma for atobe, ootori for shishido)
  • necessarily precluded after ootori/shishido doubles formation due to their overwhelmingly truelove monogamous marriage and atobe being a generous king who is graciously permitting his subjects to honeymoon outside his kingdom
  • atobe is kind of more interested in tezuka like that but tezuka is Go Girl Give Us Nothing-ing him. and also in germany


akai/amuro (detective conan)
feels like cheating to put them on here when i haven't even met one half of this ship yet BUT i have it on good authority that they are perfectly positioned to laser snipe me from the international space station so i want to mention them in advance. i'll probably come back at fill out this section in uhhh 3 months when i unlock them for real. actually i'm going to do a preliminary pros and cons, i keep telling myself that fanart of akai fucking amuro is not lore but well it kind of is. TO ME

PROS
  • actually 1 x 0 shipping. NOMINATIVELY DETERMINISTIC 1 X 0 SHIPPING!!
  • size and age difference (i think?) in the right direction
  • beautiful visual couple who i love to see
  • amuro wants to kill akai so bad he refuses to believe akai can even be physically killed by anyone else (this is the extent of my canon knowledge at this point)
  • gonna assume they hit most of the criteria on my list because mich and hwa keep 2828'ing at me every time i say anything about it 🧐
  • WILD CARD: identity theft is the most romantic thing in the world!!!
CONS
  • i might straight up die when i finally fully understand what is going on here like are they more hostageshipping than hostageshipping??


misc
  • i would loveeeee to see this dynamic with a het ship (boy 1 x girl 0 to be clear) but despite my pretty extensive knowledge of ya supernatural het romance fiction i can't think of any examples
    • this is my vision of alec/renesmee from twilight but they literally do not exist in canon...
  • vermouth is perfectly positioned to be the 1 in question but the only person with that kind of haterism towards her is jodie?? who i don't think is a 0 they would be more like 1 x 0.4-0.6... and ran is not this type of 0. and bourbon is not this type of 0 for vermouth specifically*
* i don't think vermouth and bourbon are fucking anyway, i think it is platonic workplace power dynamics 1 + 0 mutually beneficial mentorship... bourbon is like vermouth's fancy handbag or poisoned ring, vermouth just loves to antagonise people and flirt with people and flirt with people to antagonise them or to antagonise other people... not to go off on huge tangent but i think the idea of vermouth leveraging bourbon against rye by making it seem like she and bourbon are fucking because bourbon is sweet with vermouth but viciously hateristic towards rye is really funny. she doesn't even dislike rye like that (he's not HER silver bullet) she just likes to stir up drama for fun

** if r63 bourbon i think she and vermouth WOULD be fucking though

*** this is all completely baseless speculation since i haven't met the bourbon in question but fanart of bourbon and vermouth looking blonde and beautiful and expensive and killeristic together can be lore too

**** i think vermouth is less interested in brat taming and more interested in 1. Submission anyway
  • also this isn't the only type of 1 x 0 dynamic i enjoy it's just my favourite, i am also open to this type of 1 x 0s who don't need to be railroaded into submission (jeno, ran, mori, carly, etc)
rhodochrosite: (Default)
tenirabi does contact events so infrequently i forget all my grinding strategies in between and have to redevelop them by trial and error every time which is so annoying i am going to put it in writing now:

GENERAL PLAYSTYLE
1. collect at least 1200 puzzle pieces
2. trigger contact off event song:
a. if regular contact (2 hr time limit) -> play normal song
b. if special contact (30 min time limit) -> play event song
3. repeat step 2 until puzzle piece quantity falls <1200
4. grind normal songs until puzzle piece quantity reaches minimum level again
 
NOTES
  • only use main event song to trigger contacts!!
    • can use other event songs 3-5 times each until 3x booster is unlocked, then main event song only
  • remember to level up the point bonus card via self-training boards for the score boost next event + awaken all event related cards for extra score boost
  • OK to use daily free pull on event gacha even if the cards are ugly as score boost applies regardless of whether cards are in a team
  • if SSS challenge running concurrently, they can be grinded (ground?) as normal songs but DO NOT count as contactable songs
  • must be on at least 200k + 3x booster unlocked by day 2
    • aim for 120k - 150k / day after 3x booster unlocked
  • current maxed out team lineups:
    • GREEN: best teams HIYOSHI leader + 3rd anniversary RYOGA / 3rd anniversary YUKIMURA / flowering valentines KAIDO / sleeping JIROU -> 74543 / 89908
    • RED: game of future YUKIMURA leader + best teams KIKUMARU / nichijou SHIRAISHI / nichijou LILIADENT / nichijou KUROBANE -> 73311 / 88393
      • can rotate leader btwn yuki / kiku / lili / bane
      • NB lili has great->sss conversion superpower, switch him to leader for autoplay grinding
    • BLUE: game of future ATOBE leader + best teams TANISHI / nichijou KITE / best teams CHINEN / flowering valentines OSHITARI -> 76916 / 92547
    • ALL: 3rd anniversary YUKIMURA leader + best teams KIKUMARU / game of future ATOBE / flowering valentines OSHITARI / flowering valentines KAIDO -> 77445 / 93403

rhodochrosite: (Default)
in celebration of my 1 year tennis anniversary here is a yukiaka snippet from one of my earliest tennis wips ie my yukimura0_thesis, idk if i'll ever finish it but i still really like this part. premise is that several years in the future yukimura unlocks being 右 thanks to 201 tipsy unrepression session and then generously lets kirihara top as a reward for captaining rikkai to victory and obviously sanayuki is the endgame but the yukiaka is kind of like the most important part. to me. ok it's technically akayuki here but this is the only time they will reverse TO ME

Number one, that’s gonna be me! And I remembered. Everything you told me. )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
to the victorious tomorrow
fandom: prince of tennis, yugioh arc v
ship: niou&/kirihara
rating: g
word count: 2.6k

tennis emoji card emoji crown emoji )
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rough translation of the 🎾🐰 prequel story to the hyotei v rikkai movie... imo it truly outsells the entire thing #PROMOTE_THE_TNRB_WRITING_TEAM. disclaimer that i am still learning jpn (and have clearly lost my grip on english at a few points) so there may be some mistakes in this, and i took a few creative liberties for characterisation and readability purposes. also this story is very funny, and i am unfortunately not funny at all, so the jokes are kind of not working in translation but they slapped in the original just trust me dude. anyway... enjoy!!!

{PT 1} | PT 2


who's above us? we'll take down the #1 )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
this is a rikkai mix i made last august but upon reflection it's really just a yukiaka mix... what can i say i love fallen powerhouses and mentorships fraught with the recognition of self via the other and legacies that amount to nothing 🥲

burn_every_last_shot_into_your_memory.mp4 )
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crosspost of my (extremely rudimentary) translations of the card stories from the daily life ssr+s i've pulled from tenirabi gacha because they are really cute ^__^ ft: kite+kai+rin, liliadent+kirihara, niou+marui+yukimura, kintaro+chitose+shiraishi, inui+kaido, kirihara+yanagi

it has been a many microtransaction march )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
this is a brief ("brief") introductory compilation of my personal fave tenipuri character songs... i tried to limit it to 3 max per chara + duets i think this mostly covers my absolute top faves tho i decided not to include any songs by official/named subunits since that would make this list like 50x longer. youtube playlist for easy listening <here> but not every song is available on youtube so the [songs in square brackets] link elsewhere!

tennis is idols and idols is tennis )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
keep the life that i've got
fandom: prince of tennis
ship: gen, ryoga & ryoma
rating: t
word count: 2.7k

🦈🍊 )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
the future is mine
fandom: prince of tennis
ship: ootori/shishido
rating: g
word count: 1.7k

Well, if it doesn't come back to you, then you'll just have to dream up something new. )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
don't look the other way
fandom: prince of tennis
ship: yukimura/marui, super vague background sanada/yukimura
rating: g
rhodochrosite: (Default)
with the door wide open no one can leave
fandom: prince of tennis
ship: niou/marui, unrequited marui->yukimura (r63)
rating: g
word count: 2.5k

Yukimura has always been the furthest-seeing one of them all. )
rhodochrosite: (Default)
talk like an open book
fandom: prince of tennis
ship: zaizen & koharu (r63) & yuuji (r63), unrequited zaizen->kenya, background shiraishi/kenya and koharu/yuuji
rating: g
word count: 2.7k

the zaizen mistreatment and erasure for today )

even if i believed in fate

it would only be about meeting you
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