this story ends in light

the funny thing about jaemin is that he is absolutely not Just Any Guy and yet it feels like every second guy in media reminds me of him. i think this is because he is the perfect inverse of Just Any Guy so he ends up being Every Specific Guy instead. this is not really a post describing jaemin's 5 million 2d clones, this is a power scaling post where i arbitrarily assign some stats i made up so i can discover the most jaemin jaeminclone.

here are the stats i'm assessing on:

• Handsome Young Man - visual power
• Fansign Boyfriend - charm, charisma, flirtatiousness
• Stable Society - maintenance of control in all situations (delusionally or not), dislike of change and/or consequences
• You Are Not Coming In - hidden "true" self, persona and authenticity issues
• I'm Weird I'm A Weirdo - being a silly funny goofy jokesy guy
• The Killer - what it says on the tin
• Super Seme - also what it says on the tin
• [WILD CARD] - bonus criteria

THE CANDIDATES

in no particular order:

OIKAWA TOORU (HAIKYUU)

• HANDSOME = 5: speaks for itself. special shoutout to oikawa's beautiful fluffy boyband hair.
• BOYFRIEND = 5: insane charm and charisma are two of oikawa's most powerful weapons, i wouldn't necessarily call him flirty (i really think that's more of a fanon trait) but i think his ability to influence others shines mostly in the arena of leadership and performing his on-court role as setter via bringing the best out of others.
• STABLE = 2: due to inferiority complex i think he does try to delusionally cling to the idea of being The Best, particularly through middle school and partly through high school. but the key thing about oikawa is that he understands that true growth means change and upheaval and not always winning but rather focusing on what you do and how to improve after you lose, and he does eventually embrace that and that's why he comes out the other end of his character arc so mature and settled. he likes to direct the flow of the situation so much it's his literal job as a setter, and he's obviously extremely deliberate about social interactions including deploying cutesy nicknames to either assert control over wildcard rivals or demonstrate friendly closeness or both, but he knows how to genuinely handle societal destabilisation and learn from it to get better. so in a way he transcends the need for stable society altogether by ultimately winning even when he loses.
• NOT COMING IN = 5: king of carefully constructed persona that draws on elements of his "true" personality and emphasises them depending on what is most needed in the situation so that he's never really lying about who he is but you couldn't say that you really knew him. unless you were--
• WEIRDO = 5: nerdy alien stanning spacecase... gets affectionately bullied by his friends esp matsuhana who will never fail to point out how strange and offputting he can be particularly his singlemindedness about volleyball... i think it's important that he does have his Fucking Weirdo moments alongside his polished charm because i believe he actually deliberately punctures his Ultimate Leader image by letting his friends theatrically make fun of him as a form of atmosphere management for his team.
• KILLER = 0: while it's true that he has the kind of powerful persona control emblematic of The Killer, he isn't really using that for nefarious purposes. like the thing about oikawa is that even though he occupies an antagonistic narrative position he's really a good guy which sort of disqualifies him from killerism.
• 1+ = 1: for extremely inexplicable reasons i'm a chasteshipper in haikyuu, my sag moon monkey brain just politely averts its eyes and therefore i really don't have 1/0 opinions. like i guess i conceptually prefer oikawaright but i'm not mad about oikawaleft especially now that i'm in my Leaders Are Always Left era. i don't think he couldn't do it, i think oikawa can do anything. but it's definitely hinaoi to me though, haikyuu definitely abides by the rule of protagleft rivalright in this case TO MEEE. but anyway i mostly avoid thinking about it and call it a day but i wouldn't exactly call oikawa a super seme yk.
• BONUS = 4: i feel like oikawa is like, the og jaeminclone who is generally known and accepted throughout the dream/haikyuu overlap community even though after assessing him on my invented criteria he isn't really that much of a jaemin but i will ofc be putting respect on the jaemkawa name with a generous bonus score. also oikawa is my haikyuu 1pick and honestly like top 5 characters of all time to me so i'm adding more points because it's myyyyyyy power scaling post.

TOTAL = 27/40


KUROBA KAITO (DETECTIVE CONAN)

• HANDSOME = 5: and his phantom thief outfit slayed too!!! and i like his hair.
• BOYFRIEND = 5: charmingly rogueish gentleman thief flirtatiousness meter maxed out, he will sweet-talk anyone. he is a very good performer and a very dashing young man.
• STABLE = 2: i don't think kaito is super invested in societal stability, in fact as a magician he is kind of all about rapid change and reactiveness, his score here is just because if you think about it he always wins like he always gets away with his heists even when he "loses" to shinichi so he's having a pretty stable society without even trying.
• NOT COMING IN = 3: secret identity involves, well, secrecy, and he literally has shapeshifter powers so he's very good at wearing other people's identities as persona. but again i don't think he's super invested in keeping people out due to hatred of showing vulnerability in the way that jaemin is. kaito is mostly performing himself, and that self is a performer, so he's really just doing it for fun.
• WEIRDO = 5: his civilian identity is a class clown troublemaker and he's a super theatrical performer so definitely very weird on purpose.
• KILLER = 0: like oikawa, kaito's only real killeristic trait is that he's very good at persona management, but kaito notably Does Not Kill so i feel like on principle he should have a 0 score here, he's been framed for murder enough times in canon.
• 1+ = 2: i personally don't have any bl ships where kaito is left (since i believe girls are always right i guess he's left for aoko and i suppose akako is actually the jaemin to kaito's mark) but i reckon he could do it.
• BONUS = 5: jaemin kid is literally canon after all THANK YOU 2019 SMTOWN HALLOWEEN YOU'RE EVERYTHING.

TOTAL = 27/40


HAKUBA SAGURU (DETECTIVE CONAN)

• HANDSOME = 5: look i'm just gonna be rating everyone 5/5 on visuals i don't think you can be a jaeminclone without being handsome in-universe.
• BOYFRIEND = 5: he's got the british gentleman polite society manners thing going on.
• STABLE = 3: i don't think he's really bothered about it but he's not really experiencing much societal destabilisation anyway, like he's on good terms with his rival at home kaito and they're really just tom and jerry style playacting their showdowns, and if anything he's the guy destabilising other people's societies for jokes (the people being heiji, though it really doesn't take that much to set heiji off LOL).
• NOT COMING IN = 2: again i don't think he's really that interested in hiding things about himself, he presumably has healthy detective caution due to the nature of his job but he literally introduces himself via character profile including birthday and blood type.
• WEIRDO = 3: i think being british automatically gives him weirdo points but also the sherlock cosplay and the pet hawk really complete the eccentricity picture. but i think this is more in a sincere way than purposeful image break so he's like unselfconsciously a weirdo.
• KILLER = 3: the points are for being british and being voiced by mamo and having killeristic energy. i know he's a detective so he's supposed to be the anti-killer but like... he has the vibe. like if he weren't a detective he would be such a slayful serial killer.
• 1+ = 4: for bl shipping i think he's left with kaito and right with heiji but i do think he is generally a 1. he is british after all.
• BONUS = 1: i can't really think of anything extra jaeminesque about hakuba but i think it's funny that both halves of the magic kaito rivalry are guys who are jaemin... jaemin truly does contain multitudes.

TOTAL = 25/40


YOO JUNG (CHEESE IN THE TRAP)

• HANDSOME = 5: visually one of my favourite love interests everrrr literally ideal shoujo male lead looks.
• BOYFRIEND = 5: cultivates aura of polite and generous charm so that people will like him and trust him and he will be able to leverage this to use them to carry out his own ends whenever he needs to enact some revenge plan without getting his own hands dirty.
• STABLE = 5: jung is extremelyyyyyy concerned with maintaining a stable society with himself in the dominant position and hates change so much he will try to eliminate any threats to the status quo, he will retaliate 3x as hard in response to all perceived slights (and experience no guilt if he misjudged and harmed an innocent). cheese in the trap is basically a story about all the people who have to die for standing in jung and seol's way (killed on purpose by jung or semi-accidentally by seol) which is why it is the romance of all time <3
• NOT COMING IN = 5: since jung is a capricorn sociopath who fundamentally does not understand human emotion, everything about his interaction with the world is constructed for maximum manipulativeness and control and shielding all potential vulnerabilities, absolutely nobody is coming in. even with seol one of the major problems they face is that jung wants to give seol what she wants, which he believes he can achieve by telling her the things he thinks she wants to hear, but seol is too genre-savvy/paranoid to believe him and really seol just wants him to be sincere with her. cried so violently it made me feel ill over the climax where jung finally demonstrates not just Real Human Boyness but genuine vulnerability in front of seol like what the fuck..... love is real.
• WEIRDO = 1: i think this is basically the only category jung doesn't match up well with jaemin in because jung is very very attached to his perfect image. ofc he has his cute rich boy struggling to interface with society moments like pretending to know what a voucher is and failing at wrapping convenience store onigiri but those are private and more lowkey, he isn't actively presenting a silly goofy image even though he is a freak. but he does hide the freakness pretty well, he's never wanted to break image on purpose.
• KILLER = 5: see my original killer post but jung is literally the sadistic manipulative remorseless sociopath in question. he is trying to be seol's pet sociopath except seol is unhappy about jung outsourcing his moral compass to her, this is truly one of my favourite worldview clashes in couples. not that that is related but i need everyone to know that jungseol is seriously perfect het of ever to me definitely top 5 hets of all time i love them so much.
• 1+ = 5: obviously i'm 左右相手固定 for jungseol so it doesn't matter but i think jung is objectively a 1 as well!!
• BONUS = 5: jung is one of my favourite jaemclones i kind of want to give him more than 5/5 bonus points i truly do think he is the perfect jaemin fictional equivalent. rt myself:
  • rich
  • generous
  • possessive over favourite people
  • will sulk if favourite people display favouritism for people who arent him
  • does not enjoy change
  • literally the killer
  • human cosplay sometimes slips up
  • sooooo handsome
  • watch guy
  • mamas boy, daddy issues
  • snake gijinka
  • attached to material objects
  • only likes the people he likes
  • seriously so handsome beautiful perfect face did i mention handsome

TOTAL = 36/40


CHAR AZNABLE (GUNDAM)

• HANDSOME = 5: char even underwent a handsomeness level up (to me) during his most Going Through It and deprived of presence of favourite people era like i really do think char's counterattack~=make a wish. now jaemin was not experiencing depression to the point of dropping an asteroid on the earth but if he had giant space war machine robot tech available to him who's to say that he wouldn't have...
• BOYFRIEND = 4: so charismatic even his old enemies were trying to make him president of the world for some reason even though this is NOT cute, chars only take official leadership positions when they are SEVERELY distressed etc. i don't think he's necessarily actively a schmoozer or even enjoys it, it's just that he seems to have clocked that this is a good way to get other people to do what he wants, especially with girls. he's literally like sure peggle i'll kiss you if you go onto the battlefield for me. he does use fansign boyfriendism as a manipulation tactic, which lalah clocked but was willing to play her half of the couple cosplay for anyway because she loved char so much it was enough for her, and which i think nanai also clocked but is having to actively cognitively restructure herself out of clocking because she doesn't really want to confront it.
• STABLE = 3: i'm gonna be honest i'm so invested in one-sidedly stabilising char's society that it does not matter to me that char actually does not really seem to want a stable society himself and kinda implodes it on purposeish. but arguably having such a world shaking impact on the legacy of gundam including having multiple archetypes of gundam characters all based on him is the realest stable society of all. he also loves to dodge and ignore consequences so that counts.
• NOT COMING IN = 5: he is also a guy operating under several false identities, but even apart from that char's motives are not only incomprehensible to me but i legitimately think they are also incomprehensible to himself and he is just convincing himself that he has some form of ideology. he does not, he just says he does. char is sort of empty as fuck not even himself is coming in. even when he's trying to be his original identity casval rem deikun he doesn't know who that is or what that person believes in and he's just performing neo zeon cult leader while being totally miserable about it. i think it's notable that he is very uncomfortable playing the role of figurehead leader and describes himself multiple times as feeling like a clown even though he executes it flawlessly, like char doesn't really know who he is but at least he knows who he doesn't want to be but that doesn't help him very much.
• WEIRDO = 4: not to be blatantly not following my own criteria but char is so funny to me it doesn't even matter that he isn't doing it on purpose because genuinely who could say what char intends or doesn't intend. like it's just so funny when he just straight up lies like when he said he'd never betrayed anyone in his life, i can't not give him a good score on the jokes axis. Ha Ha axis get it--
• KILLER = 5: he did literally attempt genocide, to say nothing of the countless murders and war crimes he committed as a career soldier who finds fulfilment and joy in killing people, and origin straight up paints him as a sociopath initially reined in by sayla but then it got complicated.
• 1+ = 5: I DON'T CARE. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME ON THIS ONE, I AM NOT TAKING CRITICISM AT THIS TIME.
• BONUS = 5: rt myself: "yes i do think of char as a jaemin clone even though char was allegedly created 21 years before jaemin but as if it's my fault they have so many specific psychological problems in common eg: 1 million control issues, being male manipulators, never saying what they mean or committing to a stance so they can never be destabilised (in theory), being very good at clocking other people's desires and fulfilling these desires even if they don't understand where those desires come from, speaking vaguely so the people they're speaking to can project whatever they want onto it, having very small inner circles, only liking the people they already like, constantly trying to reconstruct the past and/or maintain the status quo, loving to lecture others, hating it when actions have consequences, enjoying power and attention but not the responsibility that comes with, having extremely constructed public-facing personas with no clear boundary between those and their internal selves........... etc." also they both have beloved kiiinda morality chain mentees. also there is the terror i will not name (moriguchi_hiroko_beyond_the_time.mp3). also i think it's really funny that char is also mostly a nevernude to the point of being famous for wearing a mask but when he shows skin it's by having his arms out, Just Like J

TOTAL = 36/40


GRAHAM AKER (GUNDAM 00)

• HANDSOME = 5: the most handsome of all the handsome young men in gundam TO MEEEEE.
• BOYFRIEND = 3: i think he's kinda more sanada-esque maybe, like he is less concerned with likeability and more concerned with honesty and honour which is what draws people to him over any kind of constructed or deliberate charm but he does also have a random talkative sentimental streak. i personally find that very charming though and this is my post so i'm being generous with the fansign boyfriend points.
• STABLE = 3: i don't think he's bothered about trying to maintain societal stability, in fact he enjoys actively facing challenges and handling situations and testing his abilities. but he gets points for managing to be undestabilisable even in the face of a rival who doesn't rival him back, and also for not dying when killed multiple times.
• NOT COMING IN = 1: despite the fake identity which he didn't even really bother with i think graham is kind of an open book but i'm giving him a just-in-case point because i was so entranced by his face every time he was onscreen that i don't actually remember much about him.
• WEIRDO = 4: As A Sentimental Virgo... also his love interest is literally a gundam.
• KILLER = 1: he's handsome enough to be a killer and he certainly has literally killed people as a career soldier but other than that i don't really think he fits the archetype.
• 1+ = 5: i think this is objective.
• BONUS = 5: he literally ends up with jaemin's boom era blond hair with blue bangs after his resurrection as metal alien symbiote!!!

TOTAL = 27/40


MASHIMA TAICHI (CHIHAYAFURU)

• HANDSOME = 5: noted popular handsome young man in-universe!!
• BOYFRIEND = 4: polite and charming student president type, not actively magnetic or flirty i think. but i could be wrong as it's been a while since i read...
• STABLE = 4: see now i kind of feel bad for skewing the scale with all the other insane supernaturally delusional society stability enthusiasts discussed in this post because i really do think taichi is quite invested in this due to his inferiority complex vs his golden boy image, but not quite to like, genocidal proportions.
• NOT COMING IN = 4: the image manager in question whose inferiority complex causes him to construct a perfect outward facing persona to cover up his insecurities. i do think the focus for taichi is slightly different than for jaemin because i feel like jaemin is not necessarily image managing and keeping people out due to insecurity but more because he just doesn't like being perceived in ways he can't dictate. like it's not that jaemin fears rejection due to being not good enough if he lets people see who he really is, he just has severe control issues and wants everyone to exist in relation to him on his terms only. sorry tails if this sounds incomprehensible to the viewer, i may be reflexively stabilising jaemin's society here.
• WEIRDO = 1: i don't think he's estranged enough from normal society like jung or atobe to be weird nor do i think he cultivates weirdness on purpose, i think he's just like normal guy levels of weirdness. or like, normal guy invested in niche sport levels... like after correcting for the baseline of being a karuta player.
• KILLER = 1: point for image management and being rich and he's voiced by mamo so that's basically killerism in law.
• 1+ = 2: ummmmmm idk i don't even really ship him with anyone, like he's left by default with girls and he is probably capable of lefting with guys i just haven't thought about it. my l/r criteria are currently in an emergency upheaval state so i can't even try to objectively look at his character to determine my stance. like it's true that i think repression and inferiority complex are 0 traits but do i really? who could say ):
• BONUS = 4: taichi is more on the oikawa end of the jaeminclone spectrum but he has really long eyelashes and every time i see jaemin's eyelashes i'm reminded of this one quote from transversely's seminal work a nice girl, slightly dilettanteish: "He’s actually sheltered, you know, his eyelashes, they’re like those plants that grow in the dark in the Amazon I think." also their second male lead energy lol

TOTAL = 25/40


AI (YUGIOH VRAINS)

• HANDSOME = 5: when he finally gets a human form during his ai's counterattack maw equivalent era in s3 it is a very handsome human form.
• BOYFRIEND = 2: it is admittedly harder for him to be charming and flirty when he spends the majority of the series as a little usb gijinka and then when he gets his cyborg android body he's suicidally/omnicidally depressed under the veneer of cheerful arrogance but i guess he's overall usually quite social and chatty and playful and likeable.
• STABLE = 5: wrote a whole post about this without realising i was talking about societal stability but he is sooooo bad at handling change or any circumstances out of his control, like genocidally bad at handling things. he has the jaemin trait of wanting everything to go his way all the time and not knowing what to do when it doesn't. he also doesn't die when killed 🙏
• NOT COMING IN = 3: i think ai is good at seeming pretty straightforward! and most of the time he really is sincere and feels no need to obscure parts of himself. but i think he could if he wanted to, like he did keep the backup copy of himself stored in roboppy a secret from everyone and he is ofc massively lying through s3, so i would say he is pretty good at lying and concealing and faking.
• WEIRDO = 5: he is so annoying <3 he's jokes sidekick mascot mostly played for laughs (sentences typed moments before disaster) and it's really cute and funny contrasted with coolly stoic and laconic yusaku.
• KILLER = 5: i actually didn't even clock this because ai is comic relief for most of the show before the grief and ptsd catches up to him and then i was too busy being tails_gets_trolled.png to do any dot connecting but ai is a textbook pet sociopath who would (and does) sacrifice the world to save one person. like s3 is literally him attempting to commit genocide to save the person he loves most so i think he definitely qualifies.
• 1+ = 5: i also think this is objective!! ai and takeru tied for leftest left in vrains imo.
• BONUS = 5: has an eldritch tentacle monster form (this is a jaemin trait to me), cyborg android ai boyfriend who is a demon masquerading as a housecat, enjoys clocking out and engaging in a bit of slackerism, sometimes refers to himself in cutesy third-person diminutive form, selfishly selfless by sacrificing his life to save yusaku's but forcing yusaku to be the one to kill him because he wanted to be with yusaku until the end, na "i am love" jaemin == "it's ai as in to love people." i think ai is most like current meta jaemin, who is mostly embracing his weirdness and jokesiness, but then you remember the terror. but in the end... it was LOVE all along.

TOTAL = 35/40


ATOBE KEIGO (TENIPURI)

• HANDSOME = 5: visual king, i'm grateful every day for nats ovas art level up that finally did depict him as handsome as i believe he is supposed to be and also for his tenirabi cards where he always looks slayeristic.
• BOYFRIEND = 5: king of charismatic leadership that inspires undying loyalty even from the guys who hate his ass king of slaying yume rankings despite coming from a franchise 20+ years old king of having an in-universe fanclub king of generous fanservice and also generosity in general.
• STABLE = 5: KING OF HANDLING SITUATIONS king of never being destabilised king of winning even when he loses and in fact being a really gracious loser and super cool about it king of installing a perfect schoolwide monarchy and maintaining iron but fair and meritocratic control over all things. honestly king of actually for real having a stable society that doesn't even need cognitive restructuring to stabilise, jaemin kind of wishes ngl.
• NOT COMING IN = 5: king of image management, king of having a rock solid and undentable self image built on legitimate hard work and skill that is then projected outwards so powerfully it leaves no gaps in the armour. like i feel like atobe maxes out this criteria so hard by fully totally completely inhabiting his invincible king persona that it's really genuinely him and this criteria is not even applicable.
• WEIRDO = 4: i don't think he's doing it as purposeful image management so i reluctantly have to dock one point but atobe is so like crazily exaggerated in every single character trait that it qualifies for weirdness by sheer force of personality. king of being fucking insane in such a self-assured way you just believe him and buy wholeheartedly into it. literally everyone is a freak in tennis but atobe is especially an unrepentant freak (extremely positive trait).
• KILLER = 5: see also my original killers post king ofドS tendencies and torturing his opponents/love interests.
• 1+ = 5: objective!!!!!!!!!!! allegedly leftest left in tenipuri though this result came about from much bloodshed and misery but i think i agree. but that doesn't matter anyway because obviously he's a super1 no matter what. KING OF LEFTING.
• BONUS = 5: ATOBE THEE GENEROUS i truly believe that atobe is literally jaemin at his best when he's fully clocked in and turning the effortfulness dial up to max. also jaemin is atobe in dreampuri so obviously i think atobe is really guy who is jaemin. i know this has been an even more gripless entry than the others but once again: IT'S MYYYY POST and i think the fact that i'm intensely delusional about atobe and jaemin in the exact same way is actually more evidence in support of jaemtobe.

TOTAL = 39/40

AND THE TOTALLY NOT RIGGED WINNER IS...

ATOBE KEIGO!!!! congratulations to the king of being jaemin in not real life!!!!!

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

ECHIZEN RYOGA (TENIPURI) - because i said so. for personal reasons. and also because i think the first time i ever used the phrase "handsome young man" was about ryoga. and also he's the killer. also i have personal reasons. also the way ryoga rapper girlfriendises himself around byodoin gives me intense flashbacks to how jaemin does like domesticated cat cosplay around mark. i think ryoga has the jaemin trait of liking the freedom to do whatever he wants but not wanting the responsibility that tends to be tied to that kind of power. anyway just trust me bro. i probably should have included him in the main list but i didn't want to for personal reasons as well and now i have to commit to my decision.

INUI SADAHARU (TENIPURI) - they are both nevernudes and super1s who are extremely fucking weird and ever since ciel said that jaemin would definitely wear long trackpants all the time even in summer matches which would piss everyone off just like inui i have been periodically cracking up at the mental image, when jaemin enters his making health juices era then we will realise...

YUKIMURA SEIICHI (TENIPURI) - i realised the other day that yukimura's 2pick is literally his dog (pronounced REAL TRUE LOVE ENDGAME SOULMATE) and his mini-me mentee and i know he is 2pickshipping them and crafting beautiful handmade jokes wedding invitations with pressed flowers from his own garden cordially inviting friends and rivals to the union of 💖Sanada Genichiro & Kirihara Akaya💖. but other than this very funny coincidence i don't think he has anything in common with jaemin (other than being 1-aligned but it's complicated to me i don't want to get into it rn) and i honestly feel like i need to apologise to yukimura for mentioning him in this list at all.

SENGOKU KIYOSUMI (TENIPURI) - yes i do think half the tenipuri cast is Whoops All Jaemins but ummm yeah guy who is handsome and 1+ and actually deeply unhinged and undestabilisable under the goofy charming veneer no problem.

AKAI SHUICHI (DETECTIVE CONAN) - because they are both ultra1 perfect bl tops to me and the left half of my fandom otps. they don't really have anything else in common because the narrative legitimately does bend over backwards to make sure akai always wins and always comes out on top (lol) and never dies even when he is killed and always has a stable society... akai is char wish fulfilment and therefore jaemin wish fulfilment in law.

HARUNA MOTOKI (OOFURI) - so handsome a rival team's coach brought his visuals up while talking about his various baseball powers and stats... i think he's kind of a cross between oikawa and kirihara so he's just a bit too far removed from the oikawa end of the jaeminclone archetype spectrum to really count.

TOM (TOM AND JERRY) - for some reason tom tomandjerry is one of the guys whose societies i am deeply intensely invested in stabilising for them, alongside fellow luminaries such as char and mark and jaemin himself, and i think he is a 1, also not taking criticism at this time.

thank you for reading!! i hope this post is taken in the loving and joking spirit in which it is intended, feel free to let me know if there are any other guys who are jaemin i'm unaware of <3

roundup of my favourite fmvs 🙂

( really moving images )

instead of writing my akam manifesto either in fic form or meta form i made a playlist about it. yes half these songs have been on previous mixes but it's not my fault that everything i like is exactly the same... what i look like trying not to put black out days (future islands remix) - phantogram on Yet Another mix... anyway doom is the most romantic thing in the world!!!

( you let your guard down, akai shuichi // i could say the same thing to you, bourbon )

some brief (for real this time) theories on the direction that detective conan is heading in by guy who pays zero attention to plot:

CERTAIN

wakasa is amanda hughes's missing bodyguard asaka
this is so obvious i can't believe it hasn't been explicitly confirmed in the text yet. conan believes that asaka is a woman, and wakasa is clearly connected to the haneda kohji case, has extreme martial arts prowess and scarring consistent with a combat-heavy job AND her name is v similar to asaka (people in conan love to use anagrams as aliases).

LIKELY

wakasa and haneda kohji were in love
wakasa carries haneda kohji's good luck charm around with her, has significant emotional flashbacks to conversations with him, is extremely devoted to his case, and also appears with him in the veronica ed sequence that runs through a bunch of other canon hets, so i think they were probably in love if not actually dating.

fbi and psb will officially cooperate... eventually
jurisdictional tensions have killed 🙄 but like... surely when it comes down to it and the protags launch a proper counterattack against the black org it would be so fucking stupid if the fbi and psb weren't working together. all the allies will have to unite at some point i believe it. anyway popping the biggest bottles when akai + amuro teamwork in present timeline main canon :) in another 10 years of serialisation maybe.

SPECULATIVE

mary's cough is a side effect of taking aptx at an older age
since mary doesn't seem to have had the cough before deaging, it must have been caused by the aptx, but neither haibara nor conan exhibit the same symptoms. i think it must be a consequence of mary being much older than shinshi when vermouth forced her to take the aptx--she's in her 50s whereas shinshi were teens, and the deaging process is extremely strenuous on the physical body, so probably it fucked her up more than them since she had further to deage.

vermouth will turn on gin in order to save ran's life
i think that vermouth's self-sabotaging careful protection of her two treasures/achilles heels (especially ran*) is going to culminate in vermouth actually betraying the black organisation at some critical climatic moment, most likely at a point where gin is about to kill ran. i'm not sure if either gin or vermouth will die, i really hope vermouth doesn't but i also don't feel like she's likely to ever actually ally with the protags. if gin does die, i'm pretty sure vermouth will be the one to kill him because shinichi's philosophy is so geared towards Everyone Must Live Even Murderers so i doubt that anyone on the protag team will do so... or at least not the teen division. but none of the adult cast really has personal stakes re: gin anyway except maybe akai but he is not giving very rivalristic energy about gin so it's not like vermouth is going to have much competition narrative-wise.

* vermouth has a much lower margin of tolerance for danger to ran than she does for shinichi, her protectiveness over shinichi manifests more in covering up for him and turning the black org's focus away from him and not directly harming him, whereas vermouth won't even allow ran to be in situations where she could potentially be harmed. like shinichi is already neck deep in dark business but vermouth is really invested in keeping her angel out of it altogether. very clear in the betrayal's stage case where vermouth stopped ran from entering the crime scene because she didn't want ran to see the murder

haibara's future
i see 3 main options open for haibara's postcanon route:

1. she remains in her child body as haibara ai
2. she returns to her adult body as miyano shiho

3. she returns to her adult body but keeps her haibara ai identity
 

in my opinion (2) or potentially (3) are the most likely options for reasons i already went through <here> but also like... the route/s that i want the most so my judgement may be subjective. i know (1) is quite popular in fandom because We All want haibara to have a second chance at a happy childhood but i think it's also important that haibara gets all that same love and friendship even as lonely maiden shiho!! shiho resurrection as a real girl i would like to see it...

akai might die
i don't want him to die but i feel death flags in this chilis tonight... like if anyone in the main protag team dies i think it will be akai because he has not died when killed too many times. i'm not sure if gosho is going to kill anyone off in the finale, nobody in the core cast has died (yet) but it's possible that he is saving up the emotional impact of killing off a major player for the last battle. i'm somewhat worried that his line to haibara about protecting her even if it costs him his life was actually foreshadowing... i do think that if akai ends up dying it will be to save haibara, or possibly amuro because he is also very invested in keeping amuro safe. ok i didn't intend for this post to be like increasingly unconcealable fujo goggles but IN THE TEXT,

「そんな顔するな」/ "don't make that face"
akai said this to conan during the kir arc, and also to haibara as okiya when they were tracking down where conan was being held hostage which reminded her of a time he said it to her as rye when he promised to keep akemi safe, so i guess this is one of his catchphrases... i think/hope that akai will say this to amuro as well at some point. i mean like ideally in my fujo visions it will be during the finale battle while akai is like grievously injured (BUT NOT DYING AND WILL LATER MAKE A FULL RECOVERY) and amuro is panicking about it, or like akai about to enter a potentially deadly situation they both know he might not survive. i think these actually have an objectively decent chance of happening in canon as they do not have to be overtly romantic it just is... TO ME.

ongoing compilation of the gundam references i discover in aoyama gosho's gundam fic magnum opus detective conan. i don't know anything about gundam btw

( gosho is such a successful fan )

quick breakdown of the newly released vol. 95 secret 5 AR conversation between akai and amuro (well, bourbon) after the unsolved cocktail case (by breakdown i'm referring to my mental state rn), translational liberties taken for flow:

( AKAM OFFICIAL CONTENT HAS KILLED )

the relationship between akam is so complex that throwing a third person into the mix has really fun results 🙂 this post will go through my favourite triangulation options, roughly a sequel to my <1140shipping post>

HAIBARA

i'm obsessed with darkbatchshipping just for the name like how perfect is it that there is literally an alcohol comprised of rye sherry and bourbon that exists... i couldn't NOT open it plus they are narratively entangled For Free!!! akai is hardcarrying so much guilt and atonement here because it IS his fault that akemi died and he's shouldering the blame for scotch's death. and he's making absolutely zero attempt to seek forgiveness, not even for scotch, because he has virgo venus acts of service disease and thinks it's best for him to bear the burden rather than anyone else. he's self-appointed guard dog for my bitchy cat 2pick who both (think they) don't want him there but he is always always looking out for them anyway.

i also realised the other day that darkbatchshipping is literally just conan compromiseshipping which was whole new levels of everything i like is the same embarrassingness ~__~ it's like this:


AND i endgame isolated prodigy girl with unkillable guy's sister(/aspect thereof)... but also the vibe is different from compromiseshipping because i completely believe in akam endgame but i can only see hostageshipping endgame is very specific circumstances... and i genuinely do romantically ship all three components of compromise (and prefer peregrine and prodigy to hostage) but dark batch is just narrativeshipping to me (and obviously i like akam the most). but narrativeshipping also is not a "just" so basically You have to have a very high iq in order t

most darkbatchshipping art landmines me because i can tell op mains the het parts... literally only akam shippers understand amuro hets. you have to be a 腐女子 to comprehend amuro's relationships with women it's true. my heart was soooo touched by amuro and haibara's dynamic in <this akam dj>, the standoffish not-quite-friendliness but the unexpected emotional honesty and vulnerability from two people who extremely distance themselves from emotional honesty and vulnerability in their d&m about causing other people unhappiness / that happiness is not something that can be decided by anyone other than yourself... haibara is only peripherally in <this comic> but it's perfect to me i love the idea of haibara and akai discussing work at cafe poirot. i also thought <this art> was cute and haibara's expressions were in-character enough that i didn't mind the girl matchmaker trope the way i usually do... <this> is also very cute. if they aren't working (which is my favourite context for darkbatch) they kind of need to not be doing anything in order to not landmine me so i can just look at them and be like wow i love to see my beautiful picks looking beautiful together eg 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

SHINICHI

scarletshipping is like... canon. shinichi is kind of so textually in akam's business it's unreal... partly because he's the protag but also he is literally the triangulation point in amuro's investigation into akai's death since he's the one who orchestrated the plan and it takes amuro realising this to unravel the truth. the whole scarlet arc is just akai shinichi amuro engaged in super sexy 5d grandmaster chess battles and the fact that many of the most intensely charged akam scenes happen in shinichi's house is really Much To Consider IT'S IN THE TEXT!!

it's incredibly interesting to me that shinichi was actually able to predict amuro's actions more accurately than akai, who has known him for years and years, because akai underestimated how much amuro hated him and therefore how far he was willing to go to capture him. i haven't decided if i think this is because akai doesn't view amuro as a real threat or if it's because akai thinks highly of amuro's logical reasoning skills and didn't think he would pull something as crazy as jeopardising his cover and taking out akai's colleagues just to get to akai... probably it's both. but shinichi sees amuro more clearly because he doesn't have the sentiment and history that akai carries about amuro. it's fine for akai to be this way because amuro literally cannot beat him no matter how hard he tries according to aoyama himself, but the same cannot be said for the rest of the fbi, so it's good that shinichi doesn't trust amuro lmao.

i definitely see the shinichi being akam's co-mentee scarletshipping vision i think their skillsets work really well together!! the darkest nightmare was already basically shinichi being akam's get-along shirt and breaking up their fight and instigating their epic teamwork since the only time they're able to put aside their differences and work together is when the the situation is dire enough to weight The Greater Good more heavily than Trying To Kill Akai in amuro's mental scales... the metaphorical resonance of amuro tossing conan across a deadly gap and akai on the other side catching him <3 the inverted 2 people who know mutual 3rd person better trope is really funny because akam are the ones with the history together but they both get along better with shinichi than each other.

also this is kind of the only triangulation where i would like to see the 3p for real but i have not had much luck trying to termsearch but i DO think they should all fuck... amuro can have 2 tops as a treat. like literally if it's not a long-term arrangement and just a casual once or twice thing i think akai's generosity can outweigh his possessiveness. i will add the link once i get my twt archive and can find it again but i saw this akam + shinichi comic where akam were secretly dating and shinichi dropped by amuro's house one morning and akai answered the door shirtless (forgetting that amuro wanted to keep their relationship secret for the moment) and shinichi got super embarrassed, and i'm sure it was not op's intention but it did come off literally like a threesome porno intro. the first comic in <this pixiv log> where akai is dubconly fucking amuro and shinichi comes back into the room like "sorry, i'm curious about what amuro-san looks like when he's being fucked... dw i have a girlfriend so i will only be watching tho" REALLY created an image that made me think, i loveeeee voyeurism/exhibitionism/humiliation triple combo. i can also envision a scenario where akai is directing shinichi on how to fuck amuro🤔 scarletshipping 3some/s will have to happen in a splinter timeline tho because shinran are so married in my main canon vision...

some further scarletshipping visuals: 1 / 2 / 3

VERMOUTH

MY FAVOURITE BLACK ORG POWER DYNAMIX i'm so obsessed with the pretty popular rye/bourbon trope that vermouth leverages bourbon against rye just for fun and antagonistic powerplay reasons by implying sexual and/or romantic intimacy between her and bourbon that doesn't actually exist... eg 1 / 2 / 3 / 4. i don't think vermouth and bourbon are fucking but i think they have a complicated slightly antagonistic but also close relationship that's like... they are classmate-esque coworker joint venture business partners except there's tense power dynamics where vermouth is bourbon's superior and won't hesitate to pull rank authority over him but still expresses displeasure when gin decides he wants to execute bourbon BUT also bourbon has leverage on vermouth because he knows one of her secrets. so their cooperation is a mix of real platonically flirtatious chemistry/getting along/liking each other + mutually aligned goals where vermouth helps bourbon investigate akai's "death" with her boss's favourite Does Whatever She Wants privileges and bourbon helps vermouth hunt down haibara and they will even go undercover as married together + manipulation and duress under the guise of <high society courtesy> from both sides.

a lot of vermouth/bourbon skews too simplistically friendly for my personal tastes but <this sacred text comic> is spot on to me, the outwards lightness and the concealed threats underneath the smiles <33 the vibes of these are also perfect to me: 1 (p3 says bourbon is sticking his tongue out at rye kkk) / 2 / 3 (also features haibara and kir!!!!! op is god so much). <this comic> which is also sacred text to me is about as light as i think their relationship gets. i also hc that vermouth taught bourbon how to honeypot and assigns him honeypotting missions for the black org because i love mildly dubcon mentorships since bourbon literally is not in a position where he can refuse... visually i love to see bourbon being vermouth's luxury handbag and they are so expensive beautiful killeristic blondes together esp when co-infiltrating some rich person event (eg 1 / 2 / 3).

i imagine vermouth and akai don't get along well because vermouth actively enjoys antagonising and fucking with anyone for free, but also i love that vermouth literally doesn't actually care about akai. he might be the destined downfall of the black organisation but he's not HER silver bullet, it was so funny when she found out about his death and she was just like well w/e, i already got my own silver bullet (shinichi) at home. it's just fun and free 1.0 vs 1.0 haterism without any particular personal investment. eg 1 / 2.

SCOTCH

the most textual triangulation point because i mean... scotch IS inextricable from akam as they are now. whiskey trio as a grouping is sort of made up but just because it's made up doesn't mean it's not REAL... they canonically did at least one mission as a trio and i really enjoy the fandom wide hc that they regularly worked together. when he was still alive i think scotch was kind of like rye and bourbon's get along shirt because he seemed to be a nice and easygoing guy. and not to rehash everything i just said in my 1140 post but obviously the circumstances surrounding his death are fundamental to akam's relationship because amuro's mistaken belief that akai killed scotch is driving his bitter hatred for akai + akai willingly taking the blame to shield amuro from the painful truth. amuro who will never forgive akai, akai who doesn't want to be forgiven... i love grief and tragedy.

scotch was amuro's childhood best friend classmate co-infiltrator but i think that you can read more into their relationship from how deeply scotch's death affected amuro and how viciously he hates akai for it... i still haven't decided if it's part of my official personal canon or if i'll stick with really close best friends, but i like to rotate unrequited amuro->scotch since it does maximise the angst. these images do be convincing me: 1 (i already linked this but it's sacred text so true) / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 (LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE EVER... the canon ver of this scene is already so good and anguish inducing but the way kou-nim drew amuro's expression fucks me up even more. amuro pressing his ear to scotch's chest trying to listen for a heartbeat even tho scotch is clearly dead gets me soooo bad T__T smth about the clumsy physicality + the desperation).

regardless, i like the tragic irony that scotch tried so hard to bring akam together when he was alive but his death is what drove the irreparable (for now) rift between them. ofc scotch's death weighs most obviously and heavily on amuro, but scotch was also one of akai's colleagues and friends and it was akai's gun that killed scotch, akai just seems to deal with grief more healthily than amuro, i really liked the rye/scotch dynamic in <this comic> and i loveeeeee the emotion in <this comic> where amuro is the one who dies. i've seen a common theme in a few akam comics that scotch at one point privately asked rye to look out for bourbon (in a lighter context) because bourbon is kind of hasty/impulsive/more prone to danger due to working in recon and that's one of the reasons akai continues to watch over amuro... which would also create a parallel to the reason he watches over haibara being a request from akemi. It's All Connected, TO ME.

KIR

does this have any basis in canon? no. do i want to see it anyway? YES. i loveeeeeee coworkers who distrust each other, i love that they are all double agents from different organisations who puppet three identities (akai/rye/okiya + furuya/bourbon/amuro + hidemi/kir/rena), i love that amuro has spent like years trying to hunt akai down to kill him but kir got in there first (as part of previously arranged scheme to fake akai's death so she could regain the black org's trust + so akai could operate more freely under a fake identity). also the fact that amuro's delusional belief that he's the only one who can kill akai means that he's inadvertently insulting kir's professionalism and capabilities as well as putting her cover at risk by insisting akai isn't actually dead is kind of really funny.

i've really liked the idea of ryekir american undercover operative colleagues ever since i saw <this comic> so i look forward to the fbi/cia joint investigations in their postcanon future, plus it's very personal that kir was the one who killed akai even though it was faked. and they look very nice together, dark hair curly bangs serious energy. and <this comic> opened my eyes to kirbourbon paired recon mission fancy dress infiltration colleagues... the darkest nightmare had kir and amuro chained together while gin was interrogating them on suspicion of being traitors and they looked very beautiful and pickful together even though they did not speak to each other or even look at each other BUT THAT HAS NEVER STOPPED ME BEFORE🙂

some epic visuals: 1 / 2

AKEMI

definitely not in a love triangle sense or anything!! i'm actually so relieved aoyama specifically clarified that amuro's hatred of akai has absolutely nothing to do with akemi, but i think it's really so special that they both loved her deeply albeit in different ways and how she had such a deep impact on both of them... akemi's boyfriend and akemi's childhood friend even though she forgot him... <this tweet> is exactly how i feel about the situation, akai who has moved on and accepted her death as in the past but will carry the beautiful memory of akemi and his love for her in his heart forever, and amuro who wouldn't love akai if he wasn't the type of person to do that. and of course amuro wants akemi's memory to be kept alive too...

the only way out is to give in
fandom: detective conan

i mentioned in my <t/b criteria post> that my ideal 1 x 0 dynamic is "hostageshipping aka proud/tsundere/resentful bottom is reluctant and embarrassed to admit to what they want and has to be forcibly unrepressed by magnanimous but fully in control top who knows exactly what the bottom wants. and there are power struggles in vain or for plausible deniability reasons" and i wanted to elaborate on that by providing some case studies. this is specifically about 1s and 0s (ie dynamics that i think are sexy) not my favourite ships necessarily. but anyway here is some further elaboration on my ultimate 1 x 0 ship HOSTAGESHIPPING aka zerofalcon aka reiji/shun from yugioh arc v:

the contextual gist of hostageshipping is like... what if you were the son of the guy who sent an army to invade my home dimension / massacre everyone / kidnap my sister so i hunted you down across dimensions intending to take you hostage to trade for my sister but you offered to strike a deal where i work for you while you assemble your own army to strike back at your dad and essentially i became the hostage instead. cue absolutely insane power dynamics. the only problem is that not even hostageshipping fully lives up to the hostageshipping print for reasons i will outline shortly so the perfect 1 x 0 dynamic doesn't actually exist in my knowledge (YET...?)

also obligatory link to my all-time magnum opus from 2017 <compromiseshipping manifesto> which explains everything in more detail (so so much detail)

HOSTAGESHIPPING BLUEPRINT

IDEAL 0 TRAITS

• wants to kill the 1
  • importantly, is unable to kill the 1, though not for lack of trying
• strong sense of pride and independence, very stubborn
• repressed
• prickly, tsundere, probably a bitch (at least to the 1, may be nice to other people)
  • actually it's really funny if they ARE nice to other people but just like extremely a bitch towards the 1 specifically
• super competitive and petty about it
• competent and proud of their skill
  • which is why it's even more frustrating that the 1 is stronger than them
• a lot of pent-up anger that doesn't get expressed either because they're repressed or there's some situational factors that prevent them from doing so (eg sense of professionalism, agreement to cooperate)
• picky / fussy / otherwise particular or detail oriented
• regularly gets injured / beaten up / bloody
• desperate but trying not to look like it or otherwise good at hiding it
• generally has like massively intense emotions but sublimated to varying degrees of success

IDEAL 1 TRAITS

• cool, levelheaded, difficult to faze
• confident and self-assured
• control issues manifest in the form of magnanimity
  • they are so secure in having the upper hand that they can afford to give gifts/concessions/leeway to others (on their terms ofc)
  • indulgent but like controllingly
• patient and slow to anger, able to handle the 0's moods
• stronger, higher ranked, more powerful, older, taller than the 0
• megalomaniac asshole (may still be nice)
• possessive but exhibitionist streak
• generous in manipulative and dubcon way
  • i saw a tweet from a jfan joking that the S in SM stands for service and suddenly i understood everything... the energy is "i want to give you what you want, even if you don't know or want to admit that you want it, AND/OR what you want is for me to be the one who wants it instead of you"
  • if that makes sense
• like just really generous overall. like virgo venus leo mars style
• probably the killer / subtype thereof

IDEAL DYNAMIC

• no reverse, obviously
• extremely fixed power dynamic despite constant and futile attempts from the 0 to subvert it
  • but they don't ACTUALLY want to subvert it they just think they do
• 0 has strong haterism towards 1, 1 finds this cute and charming and will probably tease 0 about it
  • like this: 1-❤-><-💢-0
  • the haterism should have both ideological elements and personal elements. and also have parts that are justifiable and parts that are just super petty
  • one-sided rivalry is so good and funny to me i love the 0 going all out trying to defeat/kill/etc the 1 but the 1 barely registering them as a threat because they are objectively stronger
• unnegotiated bdsm and especially d/s elements
• it's about the 0 maintaining plausible deniability that they Don't Want This by semi-performatively semi-genuinely struggling or fighting back in a situation they know they can't win so they can be "forced" into submission without having to endure the damage to their pride caused by willingly giving in or the humiliation of admitting to wanting anything. all of which the 1 is fully aware of but happy to indulge (with some teasing)
  • this is a big part of why i like strength/power/ability to determine top/bottom positioning because like... if the 0 can easily overpower the 1 there's no more plausible deniability??
  • forcible unrepression is so good. intricate rituals...

the original hostageshipping: reiji/shun (yugioh arc v)

ways in which hostageshipping is perfect

• absolutely no reverse!!!!
• extremely extremely skewed power dynamic where reiji completely has the upper hand in skill, rank hierarchy, bargaining power, resources available, duelling strength, ability......
• shun wants to kill reiji so bad first in a war enemy way and then in a personal haterism way but he can't because he agreed to play by reiji's rules in order to save his sister so all he can do is seethe with rage while reluctantly obeying reiji's commands
  • every time shun wants to go off on his own to do something (like HELP HIS DYING BEST FRIEND) reiji coolly shuts him down and shun is soooo pissed about having to roll over but he does anyway
• shun literally put himself in this position lmfao like due to picking the lesser of two evils since reiji is ostensibly on the same side of the war as him but it's still really funny that he actively chose to give reiji this insane amount of power over him no matter how much he hates it
• reiji memorywiped some other LDS students who duelled shun before his recruitment, so shun knows that there's always the threat that he will be memorywiped into compliance if he steps out of line
  • memory is especially important to shun because he's lost everything (best friend, sister, hometown) and memory is literally all he has left so this is a very effective implied threat
• reiji is very generous in condescending ways seemingly calculated to rub salt into the wound re: reiji's control of him:
  • he gifts shun brand new raidraptor pendulum cards he's designed to perfectly synergise with shun's existing deck in order to let him access the powerful new pendulum summoning technique... to highlight that his control of shun can extend even over his duelling
  • he sets the duel field during shun's tournament duels to a replica of shun's now-destroyed hometown... to push him to the brink of a grief/rage-fuelled breakdown and make him duel more intensely
  • he installs shun as his functional second-in-command... to put him in situations where shun will be forced to acquiesce to reiji's orders in front of other people

ways in which hostageshipping is not perfect

• reiji is shorter and younger than shun... height and age isn't that important to me compared to other things but IDEALLY i like my 1s to be larger and older than 0s
• hostageshipping is not my favourite ship for either of them, which is peregrineshipping (shun/serena) for shun and prodigyshipping (reiji/serena) for reiji. because SERENA is my onepick and actually i care most about her dynamics with shun and reiji so hostageshipping is really just one arm of compromiseshipping to me. because serena should be there
• shun is not really a 0 anyway because peregrineshipping is shun/serena in that order. even if reiji/shun no reverse serenaright no reverse is even more non-negotiable in my heart
• and shun barely fits any of my ideal 0 criteria anyway, it's just that his desperation + fury + suffering stats are SO off the charts that the rest of it doesn't matter that much
• admittedly i haven't thought much about pendulumshipping but if i apply my default criteria of shounen protags top and shounen rivals bottom then reiji, being the arc v rival, is not really a 1 either
• hostageshipping is actually like umm 0.7 x 0.1
• serena is not there

OTHER EXAMPLES

jaemin/renjun (nct dream)

PROS

• actually 1 x 0 shipping. TO ME
• my favourite agenda for both of them and my 2pickshipping
• size difference in the right direction
• beautiful visual couple of perfectface x perfectface i love to look at them
• i really like renjun and i really like jaemin
• this exists
• i wish i could explain why jmrn has such a grip on me that i needed two extra ao3 accounts to contain the overflow but i literally don't know why. except that i really like both of them
• WILD CARD: renjun's paper dollisms add a fun extra angle which is that at some point he might flip from mock violence into total docility

CONS

• they literally don't know each other like that. they are coworkers (neutral positive) which as you guys know i am extremely enthusiastic about but it is not conducive to the topic at hand
• i made up this version of their dynamic in my head it doesn't exist. or if it did that was back in like 2019
• also there's no actual killing intent, understandably, since they are real people, but it does put them at a disadvantage compared to the other ships on this list where the 0 for real is trying to murder the 1
• everyone on ao3 (except for my sexy friends) is wrong about them, including me (my views do not represent my views)
• i'm allergic to thinking about them for reasons beyond my comprehension i'm literally like WE CAN'T LET THEM KNOW WE L*KE JMRN also i sometimes get seriously haterised for no reason. well for reasons but the reasons might just be seeing the word r3nm1n. Yes i am jaemin renjun otp all time #1 rpf agenda shipper yes i have r3nm1n muted i exist. anyway that makes it hard for me to have up-to-date thoughts because i don't see them on my tl, which narratively mirrors the way that they do not have up-to-date thoughts about each other

atobe/shishido (prince of tennis)

PROS

• actually 1 x 0 shipping
• size difference in the right direction
• atobe is fully aware that shishido has been haterised about him since first sight and it doesn't bother him at all because atobe is indisputably stronger than shishido
• shishido is literally functioning as atobe's unofficial third-in-command like atobe has installed him in his executive cabinet despite shishido wanting to kill him because atobe the generous trusts shishido's objective ability and is willing to overlook shishido's murderous intent in the interests of achieving their shared goal of hyotei victory
• and when it comes down to it, shishido IS completely loyal to atobe too he just doesn't like to admit it
• WILD CARD: libraman4libramanshipping is inherently hysterically funny

CONS

• far from my favourite agenda for either of them (oshitari or ryoma for atobe, ootori for shishido)
• necessarily precluded after ootori/shishido doubles formation due to their overwhelmingly truelove monogamous marriage and atobe being a generous king who is graciously permitting his subjects to honeymoon outside his kingdom
• atobe is kind of more interested in tezuka like that but tezuka is Go Girl Give Us Nothing-ing him. and also in germany

akai/amuro (detective conan)

feels like cheating to put them on here when i haven't even met one half of this ship yet BUT i have it on good authority that they are perfectly positioned to laser snipe me from the international space station so i want to mention them in advance. i'll probably come back at fill out this section in uhhh 3 months when i unlock them for real. actually i'm going to do a preliminary pros and cons, i keep telling myself that fanart of akai fucking amuro is not lore but well it kind of is. TO ME

PROS

• actually 1 x 0 shipping. NOMINATIVELY DETERMINISTIC 1 X 0 SHIPPING!!
• size and age difference (i think?) in the right direction
• beautiful visual couple who i love to see
• amuro wants to kill akai so bad he refuses to believe akai can even be physically killed by anyone else (this is the extent of my canon knowledge at this point)
• gonna assume they hit most of the criteria on my list because mich and hwa keep 2828'ing at me every time i say anything about it 🧐
• WILD CARD: identity theft is the most romantic thing in the world!!!

CONS

• i might straight up die when i finally fully understand what is going on here like are they more hostageshipping than hostageshipping??

misc

• i would loveeeee to see this dynamic with a het ship (boy 1 x girl 0 to be clear) but despite my pretty extensive knowledge of ya supernatural het romance fiction i can't think of any examples
  • this is my vision of alec/renesmee from twilight but they literally do not exist in canon...
• vermouth is perfectly positioned to be the 1 in question but the only person with that kind of haterism towards her is jodie?? who i don't think is a 0 they would be more like 1 x 0.4-0.6... and ran is not this type of 0. and bourbon is not this type of 0 for vermouth specifically*

* i don't think vermouth and bourbon are fucking anyway, i think it is platonic workplace power dynamics 1 + 0 mutually beneficial mentorship... bourbon is like vermouth's fancy handbag or poisoned ring, vermouth just loves to antagonise people and flirt with people and flirt with people to antagonise them or to antagonise other people... not to go off on huge tangent but i think the idea of vermouth leveraging bourbon against rye by making it seem like she and bourbon are fucking because bourbon is sweet with vermouth but viciously hateristic towards rye is really funny. she doesn't even dislike rye like that (he's not HER silver bullet) she just likes to stir up drama for fun

** if r63 bourbon i think she and vermouth WOULD be fucking though

*** this is all completely baseless speculation since i haven't met the bourbon in question but fanart of bourbon and vermouth looking blonde and beautiful and expensive and killeristic together can be lore too

**** i think vermouth is less interested in brat taming and more interested in 1. Submission anyway

• also this isn't the only type of 1 x 0 dynamic i enjoy it's just my favourite, i am also open to this type of 1 x 0s who don't need to be railroaded into submission (jeno, ran, mori, carly, etc)